My twenty-plenty year…

“Don’t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright”
― Bob Marley

This year has taught me that there is so much incredible beauty to be found in the world, if we look hard-enough, if we see the little things, if we kneel down on the soft-earth of longing, and breathe in the fragrance of each moment.

I’ve seen nature alive in all her splendor, as flocks of birds squawked and swirled around me, and battalions of butterflies’ dived and swooped into vibrations-of-color.

I’ve observed the seasons come and go, and trees wildly lose their leaves as they danced with autumn winds, and then in statuesque stillness they waited patiently, denuded by the winter frosts, for spring to quietly-creep back with tiny buds to remind us of renewal.

I’ve seen a riot of color in the streets when summer arrived, and I’ve looked deeply into my own reflection in opaque puddles and contemplative windows melding with the trees and cobalt skies.

I’ve watched the moon wax and wane, and stars softly-kiss in the darkness showing me how the cosmos constantly turns and I am not disappointed..

I’ve been touched by magic and peace and found joy in serendipity….

I’ve noticed a light in every human through the windows of their souls, sometimes masking their terror, and gulping down their fear. You see everyone has a story, many untold, some so-sad that your heart might break.
Drawn into the sadness of this life, I’ve watched as people lost their dreams and even-worse their lives.

I’ve experienced a world checked-out, because of fear and dreadful loneliness, yet I’ve seen courage and fortitude, I’ve seen a gathering of resources and the abundance of mankind, I’ve seen generosity.

Unexpected kindness has given me faith again, and though I thought this would be my year of twenty-plenty, I am grateful to have made it this far…..well, perhaps it has been my year of twenty-plenty, when grace and kindness exploded onto the scene and the skies and fields never bored me for a minute!

As the world stops to breathe, let’s re-examine our tolerance, love and forgiveness and weigh it up with a down-pouring of grace.

I am so thankful to those who have followed me, inspired me, read my words, listened to my thoughts, and to those who have spoken great kindness into my life….

©AllysoAlly2020

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A more Elegant being…

“When love awakens in your life, in the night of your heart, it is like the dawn breaking within you. Where before there was anonymity, now there is intimacy; where before there was fear, now there is courage; where before in your life there was awkwardness, now there is a rhythm of grace and gracefulness; where before you used to be jagged, now you are elegant and in rhythm with your self. When love awakens in your life, it is like a rebirth, a new beginning.”
― John O’Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

I’ve been face-down in sadness, quenched by mud and slime, yet enlivened by spirit,
felt the beautiful rhythms of grace in brokenness, and the chaff of suffering.
Loving-kindness has been my mantra, I’ve eaten its bounty and dressed up in its joy,
woken up to courage in the morning, when I thought I had none,
known the sweet kisses of the moon and stars, when loneliness was all I could touch.
I’ve gone to sleep with anger and found it still lurking in my hard heart at dawn,
I’ve held onto forever like it was my last chance.
I’ve splashed the earth with my weeping, gathered up forgiveness with my breath,
and exhaled sorrow and fear.
I’ve rearranged my beliefs, with lashings of faith, and felt the magic of each moment.
I’ve been bedraggled and forsaken, yet robed in love. Peace has been the bed-fellow of my dreams, arriving unexpectedly when I was blown apart.
I’ve learnt to be gentle with myself and discard my victim mentality, as I begin to understand and unravel the mystery of the life that is laid out before me…

and I pray that some-day the jagged-edges of my small-self will gradually be chipped away
and reveal a more elegant being….

©AllysoAlly2020

Smatterings of joy..

It was like holding my breath underwater, hoping the feeling would pass. Christmas cheer can’t be avoided though, it’s in the shops and on the cards I never wrote.
I binged watched Christmas Movies hoping to imbibe some of the Christmas spirit everyone talks about, but this year they seemed almost empty and contrived. I don’t think I’ve experienced that jolly feeling since my Mother died, and I’m still not really sure what it is?
I relinquished my right to be happy long ago when I saw shiny tinsel and colored lights lose their luster in the wake of grief. Don’t get me wrong, I still wear silly headgear and don my best smile, and for a time I do forget, but deep inside me somewhere the Grinch still exists, and he sometimes raises his ugly, green, jealous head. You know the “poor little me” and the “if onlys”.
At Christmas I seem to question so much and have to face the fact that nothing in my life is “normal”….but hey, that’s okay because I’m forging a new normal.
In this the year of a “covidian” Christmas, so many chose to go it alone and the neighborhood was very quiet. I didn’t hear the usual sounds of laughter in the distance or Santa’s sleigh bells as he speeds past shouting “ho ho ho”, throwing sweets for the children.
Perhaps this coming year the world will be a little kinder and softer around the edges, suffering can do that.
However, I did make it to the other side, unscathed, with just a little oven stroke from cooking in the midday heat. I felt smatterings of joy when I swallowed Christmas delicacies in the company of dear ones, and ate the surprise chocolates that someone brought as a gift.
Cooking really does take the edge off deep feelings, there’s no time for tears, only sweat, and it’s a good way to avoid difficult conversations. I’ve always been one to cry in the kitchen at parties, so it’s no reflection on the company.
Coming up for air, I feel the lights winking softly at me as I put the decorations away. I saw the sadness in my Mother’s eyes when the festivities ended and I have always vowed never to be so enamored by glittery baubles and tinsel.
I don’t know what I’ll be doing next year, it’s always a surprise, but I’ll enrobe myself in my best Christmas cheer and maybe let the spirits help me a little…

©AllysoAlly2020

The after-glow…

“The rule by fear will be ended. But it will not end until it is faced. And this must include your own self-deceptions at a level of individuality and agreement.”
~ The Guides through Paul Selig

At midnight hour
when breath is still,
and glittering baubles
loose their thrill,
there’s a moment
when sadness heaves,
and the world’s
sorrow is
to be believed…

When only love
can break your fall,
and long shadows
somberly call,
twinkling lights
will slowly fade,
as you put aside
your grand parade…

in the darkness
tears are like rain,
gushing from the source
of all pain…
as they flow like rivers
from the heart
into the silence
where joy departs…

But you know
that grief
must be heard,
it’s been pressing down
without words…

and when wild ruminations fly,
and you forget that you’re truly divine… 

you find your strength in the after-glow,
in quiet confession
as you let fear go…

©AllysoAlly2020

The Christmas Star…

I have been a stargazer since I was a child. A few days ago I cleaned all the lenses on my Dad’s old heavy telescope so I could watch the great conjunction tonight. I saw the craters of the moon and I got really excited.
Sadly today the skies are cloudy and I will not be able to see it from where I live, but I’m holding thumbs that it will clear just a little so that I can see Jupiter and Saturn align and welcome in the age of Aquarius.
On this the longest or shortest day of the year, depending on where you live I wish you happy Winter/Summer Solstice…

I took this a few days ago…

touch down in starlight
gather its glow,
stumble into the presence
of divine overflow…

and when darkness threatens,
merge with light,
in resplendent overtones
that illuminate
the night…

as hearts open
and the veil lifts,
watch as the planets breathlessly kiss…

©AllysoAlly2020

I don’t pray anymore…

I was inspired by Chelan Harkin’s poem… “Susceptible to Light” .

I don’t pray anymore,
I look up at the skies
and see birds flying,
taking mind messages
to heaven for me…
I lie on the ground
and let the earth
absorb all my misery.
I watch butterflies dance
and I marvel at their
perfection…

I don’t pray anymore
I allow the planets
to align me
with their mystical powers,
as the moon throws
beams of glory on me…

I don’t pray anymore
I remember
I remember
when I was once innocent
and believed
in the miraculous,
watching plants grow,
reminding me that
love is all I need…

I don’t pray anymore,
I taste flowers
and bitter herbs
and let them color me
on the inside.
I stand under trees
and feel rooted
to sacred earth.
I let my heart
be touched
by the warm
Indian ocean
as it returns love to me
in the form
of broken shells
and patterns on the sands…

I don’t pray anymore
I pick wild flowers
and let ticklish grasses
anoint my feet.

I don’t pray anymore,
I let the eyes of children
read me,
while I rewrite
my own story…
I speak to the darkness
more often
and watch shadows
become lucid dreams…

And when I’m weary
and the world
gets too much for me
I breath God’s name
in and out
without vowels YHWH…

I let the sun light my face
with freckles
and bring the sparkle
back to my hair,
while the wind
caresses my body…

Perhaps this is prayer after all,
the true worship
of a believer… 

©AllysoAlly2020

Reflections…

“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness
the astonishing light of your own being.”
― Hafiz of Shiraz

We are reflections
of inner hope,
testimonies
of faith evoked,
wanderers on this temporal plain
bearers of light within our frame…

dreamers,
dancers,
reaching for joy,
beautiful grievers
crushed by the void…

We are the color of eternity,
brought forth in love for all to see…

sojourners,
and seekers of truth,
narrations of a valiant youth,
growing up as light-filled souls
we are the fragrance of grace extoled…

We gather kindness, fear and woe,
in the presence of love
we overflow…

made from the dust
of a million stars,
divine warriors adorned with scars…

coming from imperishable light,
we will return
to celestial heights..

we are the celebration of sacred life,
the apple of our maker’s eye…

©AllysoAlly2020
Photo courtesy of Rick Frame

Stillness sighs…

“The journey in between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life takes place.”
― Barbara De Angelis

When twinkling lights
quietly fade
and all I hear is the serenade
of cicadas
singing in the trees
and the sound of silence
on the breeze

and the crowds opaquely
drifted home
and I sat in the darkness
all alone
holding out for the faintest spark
where stillness sighs
without remark

I came to life in tangible breath
knowing I am all
but death
illuminated in the night skies
a speck of stardust
in your eyes
captured
in present
future
and past
I’ve broken my vows
ended my fast

when the Time Lords came
and held me close
I knew my strength
I scribbled notes
of how you came
to set me free
in pain of death
my reality
and chaos met
and conspired to break
the sense that this is all a mistake…

©AllysoAlly2020