Posted in a remembrance, Dreaming while awake

A Praying Mantis at my door

“May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder.”
― John O’DonohueEternal Echoes: Celtic Reflections on Our Yearning to Belong

praying mantis

A praying mantis at my door,
evidence,
I can’t ignore.

I look for signs
everywhere,
indications that you are near.

And even though,
I swish him out,
he stares at me,
there is no doubt,
perhaps he’s here,
just to say,
“everything will be okay”.

He’s part of the cosmic stream,
a messenger on sacred beams.

In mystical times,
I just sense,
cherished gifts of recompense.

A porthole opens to give me bliss,
a dulcet moment,
a sacred kiss.

My praying mantis,
dressed in green,
quietly heralds the unseen…..

Image courtesy of PixaBay
©AllysoAlly2018

Posted in Old Photographs, story of me, Thinking out loud

Wordy Wednesday

The child is grown
The dream is gone
I have become comfortably numb
― Pink Floyd

dont call me bitch

when i was a child you said some words,
now i know,
it seems absurd,
but on that day,
i changed forever
perhaps i should’ve just said
“whatever”!
but i let it grow into my bones,
those words stung
when i was alone,
you never knew the harm you did,
i was just a defenceless kid!

but i grew to believe those words,
a thing you shouldn’t
say to girls,
and now i am grown,
what can i say,
in remembrance of that hurtful day.
I’ll shout it out….
“I’m not a bitch!”
even scream it
at fever pitch!

i remember the trees crumpled in shame,
when you called me,
disparaging names!
forgiveness has always been my quest,
but never say,
those words
in jest…..

 

Posted in Keeping watch while I'm asleep

Metamorphasis

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
― Lao Tzu

butterflies

Obscured vision
plunged me,
into domains unknown.
I had lost acquaintance with
the essence
of home.

Light was not visible,
only faint impressions,
in the language of shadows,
I heeded the lessons.

What does it mean to surrender to grace
to long for the comfort
of light’s embrace?

I was guided to luminance,
through blind reveries,
into creation’s abundance,
and faith’s treasuries.

Those defining moments,
when life is changed,
the before,
and the after,
never the same…

On the
other side,
of unfulfilled dreams,
where nothing appears to be what it seems,
gentle ripples
of growth,
shift the need to survive,
and coalesce the motion,
of love amplified!

 

Posted in a remembrance, rivers of tears

Don’t call me macabre…

“Their absence is like the sky, spread over everything.”
― C.S. LewisA Grief Observed

safe harbor

don’t call me macabre
while i search for
safe harbour
in graveyards
of doubt
with bloodcurdling
shouts
a life cracked apart
a fragmented
heart
bleeding into
my dreams
i’ve lost what
it means
to have
sanity of being
it’s asylum
i’m seeking
though
death hides
in plain sight
in fears that
may smite
on pebble stone paths
in the
cruel aftermath
your name
is enthroned
with desolate groans
candles glow
at noon
and no soul is
immune
to the brutality
of loss
lines will
be crossed
some morbid
some benign
those
memorial shrines
and flowers in the hall
are a tearful squall
when
i think of your name
overwhelmed by the pain
do they understand
bereft
and unplanned
it’s
untimely grief
demanding relief….

Posted in Thinking out loud

Confessions…

Open to the possibility that the universe is perfect.
-John E. Welshons
Awakening From Grief

confessions

I used to believe in unicorns,
and fanciful endings.
Now I try to
be honest,
and shy from vain pretending.

Just like Cinderella,
mesmerised by a dream,
waiting for prince charming,
devoid of self-esteem!

I sometimes blame the movies,
and the unreal story lines,
but now I believe,
hope lies
deep,
in realms beyond the mind!

Perhaps my expectations,
were crafted
on fantasies.
Now I’m exploring the shadows,
beyond the galaxies!

Even in great sorrow,
and the heartache we have to bear,
a divine presence
occupies,
the whole stratosphere!

All we need,
is to ponder,
love and eternal grace,
in a breathtaking universe,
where there are no mistakes!

I still believe in the miraculous,
at the rainbow’s end,
I’m seeing beyond the sacred self,
allowing my dreams
to ascend…

P.S. #confessions…..I still believe in fairies and unicorns!

Posted in Uncategorized

Letting it All Out

Thank you for your beautiful words Peacock poetry.
This is dedicated to those who let us cry……

Peacock Poetry

I noticed in the very fresh stages of grief that some people just didn’t know where to put themselves. Some avoided all reference to any remotely personal line of conversation  and some gave me a wide berth as my grief obviously challenged their ability to be with their own emotions. Others wanted to make suggestions and give advice and there were also those that used the opportunity to offload their own repressed grief, relieved for the opportunity to make a socially acceptable connection through my circumstances. This was challenging as quite frankly I was dealing with my own shit and did not have the energy to bolster others in the way which usually came so naturally.

None of this was anyone’s fault of course. We are so ill-prepared to deal with our own grief let alone anyone else’s. There is no manual for these sort of situations and we are…

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