“We need time to move through the pain of loss. We need to step into it, really to get to know it, in order to learn”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Every year I watch families come together
for the festive season,
and each time it becomes more excruciating
than the last.
Maybe a series of bad choices
has brought me to this valley
of desolation,
a place where scarecrows
come to
feast on my bones!
I step into the black tar
of bitterness
and ask why?
Why should I be dealt such a bad hand as this?
Like a wave consuming me
I’m taken into the depths,
swallowed
by the stench of my own pity.
Peering up through a distorted lens,
through the murky layers
of water,
in sightless trance,
I’m mesmerised.
I can’t see the sun,
or the crescent moon.
I’m concealed in the depths
and darkness has trapped me,
beneath the bright light
of awareness.
I long to be comforted,
but how,
when I am so lost,
so far from home,
and ruin stands outside my door!
In this unwelcome habitat,
I want to hide from all truth,
and just taste the
sweet nectar of heaven.
If I come to the surface too suddenly,
and see reality for what it is,
I may just evaporate
into a million particles
and disappear
into a timeless void.
I may become suffocated by this dreadful wound,
and it may bleed out into oceans of despair.
So for now
I will let docile waters
of unknowing comfort me,
and lull me into sweet oblivion.
I will let fragrant moments,
and lilies of the valley
be my sun
and my moon.
I won’t look too hard into
the place
where pain debilitates me,
until I’m ready.
Instead, I will let waters of silence wash over me,
with the promise of eternity
in my eyes,
and tender zephyrs of abiding love
will touch my weakened form.
I do not belong to a world
where there is no pain,
so what hope is there for me?
Should I starve myself of life
and become a nonentity,
a vagabond,
on waterless wastelands?
This wound will heal,
I know,
but I must protect myself from harm,
until the pain is not longer agonizing to the touch,
until fields of joy entice me back.
I must immerse myself
in the present moment.
and face this grief with tenderness,
so that I can gently rise
into acceptance
and understanding!
I must rest in the knowledge
that I can belong again
to this race called human!
©AllysoAlly2017
Like this:
Like Loading...