Posted in a remembrance

Your last day on earth…

“I thought:
maybe death
isn’t darkness, after all,
but so much light
wrapping itself around us—
as soft as feathers—
that we are instantly weary
of looking, and looking, and shut our eyes
not without amazement,
and let ourselves be carried,
as through the translucence of mica,
to the river
that is without the least dapple or shadow—
that is nothing but light—scalding, aortal light—
in which we are washed and washed
out of our bones.”
― Mary Oliver

Stevie went to many places in the world,
but he always said Jerusalem was one of his favorite cities…
He walked in the steps of Jesus there!

Four years ago, today was my last day on earth with you.
It seems like yesterday that we sat all day and talked about so much.
We even talked about how we would want to die, you said you would prefer to die in your sleep rather than suffer for a long time.
Your wish was granted and the next day you went to sleep and woke up in heaven.

Memories are sometimes like shards of pain splintering and falling in waves over me.
I am taken to those dark places just so as I can feel the hurt and know I’m still alive and breathing. Holding your memory in my flesh and blood.

I know you were never meant to stay; I know that now, but on that day, I thought it would never end and we would be together until I went into my dotage.

It was a day of remembrance, a sacred day, I even forgot to hang the washing on the line. Everything seemed urgent, things needed to be said. You told me so much, you forgave me and everyone who had ever wronged you.

On looking back, I am grateful you came on this journey with me, and even if it seemed like just a stopover for you, it was really a lifetime for me.

I knew all your sorrow, and you knew mine. We both understood how much we needed to be loved and accepted, just like everyone else on this planet.

Things happen, people stray, some didn’t understand the struggle you went through.
You came here as my teacher, to show me how to forgive, to show me the very depths of what it means to never hold a grudge, I’m still learning. I haven’t perfected it yet, I’m a work in progress.

I have learned so much since you left your earth suit, you continue to show me a way out of the darkness, to reconnect me with what is truly holy.

You used to say that it’s a beautiful thing when people are honest about their hurts, their failures, their “humanness”.
Some didn’t understand you, the depths of your soul seemed strange to them.
Many called you “sentimental Stevie” because you felt things so deeply. Sometimes you even took on the pain of the lost and broken.
Your Indian friends called you Satish, which means “truthful god”, you always felt honored by that name.

You still visit many places and many people that you love, and I know they still see you,
even if it is only in the shadows…

You wrote this poem in a place called “Heartland”. It was a place where you discovered other imperfect humans living off the land and they loved and treasured you just as you were.
it was and still is a place of holy ground!

A Thousand Moonlit Nights

The deepest part of my soul lies dormant,
hidden in the shadows of a myriad of masks,
no eye has seen it and no hand can reach it,
unknown, unseen, and untouched.

Light has now reached it and air has finally found it,
my fellows have unmasked the masked man.
I stand naked in the moonlit garden,
free yet secure under an array of stars.

Dawn is coming, followed by the heat of the sun,
Do I stay or go, fight or flight?
Or rather duck and cover?
I will cover.

Maybe tomorrow night will be a full moon,
maybe more will join me in the garden.
I am on a journey of a thousand moonlit nights,
walking with a few brave souls under the stars.

Posted in guestpost

In memory

My brother wrote this beautiful tribute to my son…

School Of Blue

To Steve

We come to this place where you look back –
you have been present for days! – embodied
concern that says a thousand words.

You walk everywhere with us, your
celestial footprints marking the path.

It is winter here and in the spring
the butterflies will not forget.

In choosing now the words, won’t you
help us to sing a song of freedom –
we cannot control the pain, the grief
only going limp into it, surrender to
something bigger – captured in
the Redemption Song.

© 2021 Copyright Rick Frame

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Posted in Beauty

Beauty remains…

“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.”
― Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

Side-walk sensations
spring from the cracks,
beauty remains
and whimsically attracts…

Some of us don’t notice
and walk on by,
some of us
kneel on the ground
to surely testify…
that the search
for beauty
can change
colorless moods,
and return us
to the joy
of carefree attitudes… 


Posted in celebratinglove

Who will hold the light for us?

“Don’t you know yet? It’s your light that lights the world.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

In the end who will hold the light
for us
and show us the way out?
Who will lead us from this darkness
end this loveless drought?

If it’s not you
it must be me,
let’s speak in words of unity!

Bring our voices back
into harmony
where no distance exists!
Let’s be a band
of joyful humans
celebrating the shift…

Let’s Live in dreams,
of another life,
drawn from the breath of song.
Raised by grace
with the earth’s vibration,
one with heaven’s throng…

And joy and peace will be the tempo
that brings us back to life,
formed in the image
of Her holiness,
a most glorious design! 


Posted in prayer

Hope deferred!

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
― Reinhold Niebuhr

There was hope on the horizon
real hope,
hope shaped like normality,
but it burst
and all its innards spewed out
in lost dreams…

they say that hope deferred
makes the heart sick,
and it does
it really does,
like an affliction moving over me
a slow creep,
a contamination
and life becomes quite shallow….

So, I collect myself
in splattered rooms
where hope is laid bare
and I pick myself up…

I turn again to gratitude
I keep turning until it sees me
I keep counting every blessing
until I lose count…

surrendering to what I cannot change…
right now all I need is wisdom
and courage!!

because the sky is still blue,
the seas never stop moving
and all around me
is the sound of beautiful hearts beating…

I enter into love
and I always find kindness there!


Posted in grief


Recently, the mouth of our river was manually breached.
It was holding back flood-waters,
the stench was growing,
people on low-lying lands were afraid…
it had to be released!
Though some sea life was lost with the flow,
the relief was palpable.
It made me think of my own bottled-up pain.

I may seem happy
but inside I’m broken.
I search the skyways
and highways for you
I look at the stars
and hope you’ll shine on me.

The world sometimes dims
to an unbelievable low,
I can hardly see through the mists of my mind.

your memories are etched
into every particle of my being.

You belonged to me once
before madness came into the world
and turned it upside down.
When love really was enough!!

I dance when I’m broken open
I dance through this pain.
When twilight descends
and I’m completely soaked through with sadness.
I reach into my brokenness
and breathe in the sweet sounds of evening…

The night-birds usher me back to beauty,
bullfrogs return me to praise!

Sometimes I cry at first light,
letting the waters of heaven rush through me
so I can flow again with the winds
and ride again on tides of hope…

At dawn, I have thoughts that won’t let me be,
they startle me
their wounding is real!
Like invaders waiting at the door
I get ambushed by grief.

Words have legs they carry me back to moonrise,
they fly with me to the sun…
Sometimes they saturate me in favor,
other-times they sting me to death…

I must give them credence
for they have the power to hurt me beyond recognition.
I must let them out
or they will hold me hostage.

I will release them as tears, to spring forth from the deep
and go back to where love overflows…

I can’t catch my tears or hold them,
they must fuse with the ether
and return to heaven,
to be gathered and kept forever in jars,
until I too shall return…

They are my memories,
they come from my inner being
and like floodgates opening
they water arid lands of sorrow …

And for just a tiny moment I will wallow in pity,
I will cry out at what has been lost,
Yet I will still bathe in the beauty of what is…

I am forever hoping to be emptied of the sorrow
that lives inside me…
But I know my tears must return,
for grief must speak volumes
otherwise, love would not be visible…