The sun still shines and the rain is still gentle!

“Language is like a cracked kettle
on which we beat out tunes for bears to dance to,
while all the time we long to move the stars to pity…”
― Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary

It’s been a long absence
a departing
a tomb of silence
a soul recharging…

The wind was never at my back
when cheery pathways
turned pitch-black
and the road never rose up to greet me
in realms of colliding debris…

and sorrow flowed into dark places
unwelcome thoughts
unforgiving spaces…

I was lost in lands of unknowing
yet at a distance hope was floating,
and I searched unceasingly for truth
like a nameless-undercover sleuth…

All around me I heard the voices
spreading lies
peddling poisons,
I’m still not sure who to trust
will the darkness ever readjust?

There’ve been many losses along the way
roads-less-travelled
I dare not take,
heartsore memories that still plague me
countless traumas that still break me…

But the sun still shines
and the rain is still gentle
and with light-beings
I still assemble!

beauty and joy are easily harnessed
when I surrender to this fleeting darkness…

©AllysoAlly2022

I have found myself absent from my very own life,
just putting one foot in front of the other,
waiting for the world to change...

Known…

Sometimes I feel unseen,
not like the sky,
more like the breeze…

Though some may pass me by,
and I know I’m kinda shy,
but the trees have memorized
my name,
when they stand in homage
I am unashamed…

And I feel like a beauty queen,
among the flowers
and the evergreens…

I’m an artist of lighter moods,
an introvert
with attitude…

In the company of foliage
I’m known,
fluent in color
I am overgrown…

©AllysoAlly2022

Joyfully made

“You are not too old
and it is not too late
to dive into your increasing depths
where life calmly gives out
its own secret.”
― Rilke

I was a blank canvas
of love and fear
and God painted me tenderly
with his own tears

the moon rose in my sorrow
and I heard a great applause
and in a holy moment, I knew I was adored

by the colors of sunset
by the forests and the lakes
for they proclaimed me worthy
and joyfully made…

©AllysoAlly2022

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine what it’s like
for your child to die,
to become as exquisite as the bluest skies?

To learn to sing again in-tune,
to be present at the new moon,
to watch the tides when they come to shore,
and be at peace forevermore?

Can you imagine what is to fly,
to be able to see
without eyes,
to shed tears no more,
and join heaven’s encore?

Can you imagine what it is to transcend,
to become the joy
that never ends,
to let love be your eternal guide,
and exist where awakened ones reside…

I’ve felt the rush of eternity,
in realms of grace
that set me free…

I have seen him in rainbow skies,
in higher octaves
of paradise!

I began to write sad words and then they became beautiful..

©AllysoAlly2022

Crazy mixed-up kid…

I grew up in a very boring intellectual family
and never really fitted in.
I even wondered if I was adopted at one point,
but I just look too much like them.
I force them sometimes to wear pink wigs and afros.
(Yes I still have a dressing up box at this age)
We all laugh until we cry, in spite of their hesitation.
It’s my role in the family to be the crazy mixed-up kid,
and I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

C’est la vie!

“These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.”
― Rumi, The Essential Rumi

Bitterness creeps like a dark thing
clutching my heart,
making me question my circumstances
My plight
My God…

I can see it now
covering the corners of my vision,
seeking to torment me
and blind me
to the beauty of the everyday…

To be discontented
and grumble about my life.

When envy grows
I am resentful
so I must exhume it
from my body,
before its tentacles spread out
and poison my heart.

I speak out it’s malice
and like an unholy black mist
it evaporates
into the ether.

And because it’s been here before
I recognize its path of destruction,
like a hurricane blowing through,
leaving me vulnerable to its elements.

I know it’s serpentine nature
creeping up on me,
dropping thoughts into my mind,
putting bitter words into my heart,
when I’m most vulnerable,
when my body is weak,
when I can’t see a hopeful future,
and the days are just too long!

I know I must nip it in the bud
and snuff it out
before it takes hold!

And then to cover my shame

I let love in

I let it wash over me
in colors of the rainbow,
in the tempo of the skies,
with the harmony of all my senses.

And the lilies of the fields
remind me
of how brightly arrayed I am,
the birds of the air
inform me
that I am loved beyond measure…

And then I await the arrival of butterflies…

©AllysoAlly2021

It’s okay…

“All day, all night, now I can’t hide
Said I knew myself but I guess I lied”
-Nightbirde

You’ve woven tapestries
in my mind,
broken images
you left behind,
scattered
impressions
bubble over,
negatives
that require exposure…

some are fighting for their lives but you decided to go
and we’re all caught in the tragedy of this overflow…

but it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay
if you’re lost, we’re all a little lost and it’s alright

Because my friend took her life, I’ve had to dig deep down
to forgive myself for not doing enough.
It feels like a trauma I have to revisit every day,
the hurting doesn’t go away easily…

©AllysoAlly2021

This girl is so incredibly brave!

Welcome the night…

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”
― Rumi

Day 20 & 21…
I’ve proved to myself that trying to write a poem everyday from a prompt turns me into a machine. I can’t feel any flow, and I’m dead in the water.
Sometimes I need a few days to re-group, because I lose momentum, otherwise I find myself writing drivel from an empty place and it feels meaningless,
and right now I need meaning in my life.
I know that I have not been drinking enough Earth nectar lately or living in the moment. I’m caught up in the hustle of life and I’ve been filling my mind with defeat.
Dust is gathering in the corners.
Down time is sacred to me, and it reminds me not to try and be someone I’m not.
It feels like I’m going against the grain and you know what that leads to… burn out!
I am not an intellectual, I rather feel my way around things before I think them through.
I don’t feel like I’m on the page anymore, this stone has no more blood in it.
I need some meaty stuff to get me through the day, maybe it’s just the place I’m in right now?

I feel as though I’m scratching for words in the dark,
making up lines and syllables,
meaningless drivel smudges the pages of my life.
I’m a human watcher, a human lover,
I love the nuances of humans, even their struggles make them more human!
When I’m not my true-self it’s like a mist forming over everything
preventing me from seeing the beautiful undiluted images of self.
Scratching down non-descript words,
searching in the archives of an empty vault,
I feel as though I’m losing my sense of purpose,
What am I here for?
and the Sage said to me
“I have worked out that our only job is to be here
and to welcome the night”, so that’s what I’m doing.
For the full story read here..

https://schoolofblue.wordpress.com/2021/04/21/everything/

Two days have now blurred into one and I am finding my way out
of this labyrinth of the mind, my compass is set for true-self!

©AllysoAlly2021

Love stormed the gates of hell to find me…

Last week I absorbed the suffering of the whole world (as well as my own) into my body and my mind…

I feel like a prisoner of thought,
caged by my own mind,
stuck in a time-warp, I can’t identify myself.
I feel lost, empty, confused, a reed in the wind
with no bearing, no true north.
I’m a clanging gong, out of sync,
out of time,
born of chaos.
I eat, I drink, I wake, I sleep,
but my understanding seems groundless.
The truth is not fixed or even visible, it waivers!

Around every corner there’s a sense of nothingness,
my hopes are shattered,
I don’t want to feel anymore.
I want to fade into the light,
be covered by darkness,
gathered into a cosmic eddy
and vanish from the face of this earth.
Just to be assumed into heaven
and relieved of suffering,
erased of all thought, of hurt.
Words have become shards of pain, visitations.

And then…

I pledge my allegiance to love only,
for love as energy is ceaseless,
it is undisguised,
it is all that I am…
a resonance,
a vessel,
it does not falter or wane.
Love seeks not division but unity,
it does not grow tired of me.
Love lifts the heavyweight from me
and transforms me
into kindness…
For love is eternal, it is the answer
to every question I have ever asked,
it is the perfection
and the chaos
of who I am!
Even in my darkest moments,
when I could not reason with my afflictions,
love gathered me into invisible arms,
closer than my skin,
love stormed the gates of hell
to find me…
I have surrendered to love’s purposes,
to its extravagance,
to its wildness.
For I am nothing and I am everything
because of love 

©AllysoAlly2021

Daddykins…

In June of this year, my Dad aka Douglas-Henry would have been 100 years old. He was born after the Spanish flue in a place called Mvuma in Zimbabwe. I don’t think he would have taken kindly to the present lockdowns or booze ban (yes they have banned alcohol for the third time). He did however make his own mulberry wine and beer, which was quite lethal if I remember correctly, it could knock your socks off.

He was a futurist and predicted the landing on the moon when he was a child. People laughed at him and said it was impossible. He rode to school on a donkey and when he got there it was time to go home.
He made his own radio and grew up to be an electrical engineer. He taught me the inner workings of washing machines and he could fix any electrical crisis in two ticks. He was still climbing electricity pylons at 70 and had a portfolio of all the electrical installations and substations he had been involved in through the years.
He loved technology and was always keen to learn new things, however, he couldn’t boil an egg or make a cup of tea.

He was a member of a club in every city and he frequently played at the 19th hole.
In his 20s he drove from Bulawayo to Nairobi in a Morris minor where he met my English Mother..

I don’t really miss him because I have dreams about him riding a skateboard with my son, Stevie. He is in a much better place and he gets to hang out with some really cool post-material people.

He was a crazy brilliant dude who didn’t have much emotional intelligence, but hey, he lived in an era when you didn’t talk about your feelings. I think I got my love for science fiction from him and a taste for the exotic.

He used to say to me “your best isn’t good enough and sorry is too late”, which I think is absolute BS! He expected far too much of me, which didn’t bode well for me or him because I’m a rebel at heart.
He liked me quite a lot though, and on good days I would call him “Daddykins”. I think I taught him more than he taught me in the end, the loving part didn’t always come easy to him.
Believe it, your kids are your greatest teachers, I know mine are!

However, unknowingly he did teach me to be curious, to think for myself and question everything, even him!!

©AllysoAlly2021