Emergence

“Don’t be afraid. Change is such a beautiful thing”, said the Butterfly.”
― Sabrina Newby

Layers of invisibility
covering form.
Wisps of docile fragrance
ignite the inner storm.
Filtered existence
exposed by the light.
Darkened illusions
turning into white.
Blossoming luster,
hidden majesty,
from obscurity
to glory’s destiny.
Through forgotten portals
appears a soft glow,
a sparkling attendance,
speaking vibrant flow.
From the husk emerging
a hidden essence,
unexpected movement,
abundant presence.
Alighting on wings,
that exude harmony,
core sounds emitting
from the dormancy.
A spectacle of silence,
a wordless response,
transcendent being,
a place to belong.
The quiescent life force
submerged in dark earth;
arising into fullness,
a luminous rebirth.

 

Bitterness casts a shadow

“Do not habour any bitterness, it will lead you straight into the wilderness.”
― Gift Gugu Mona

I found a hidden cavern
within my ruptured heart,
where acrimony festers,
an earthling blown apart!

Just a tiny alcove,
where bile contaminates.
It poisons the essence,
of what human love creates.

I long to cast the misery
into the void of sudden death,
let streams of redemption flow
to where mercy restores my breath.

Forgiveness is my intention,
though bitter perceptions erode.
My thoughts resemble black treacle,
a fragmented life morose.

The particles of silence
are not far from my sight.
My ego gets entangled
in dark, oppressive blight.

As times I am entrenched
in more than I can bear.
Envy overwhelms me,
with unrelenting snares.

Buds of bitterness grow,
casting shadows on my soul.
Gratitude is the antidote,
an escape from death’s black hole.

The gaze of sacred beings
touches the inner sanctum.
I bolt from the hound of hell,
to sing my soul’s sweet anthem.

Things that go bump in the night!

It is 2 am…
I’m not asleep!
I hear an echo,
the floor boards
creak…
Footsteps
coming
down the hall,
I lie frozen,
afraid
to call…..
I strain my ears
to hear a sound,
late at night,
shadows resound…
In pitch dark,
the moon
is gone…
Sleepless imaginings
I feel alarm..
It’s getting closer,
I feel
a presence..
visitations
of a
murky menace….
Just before
I rise from the bed,
sounds of purring
near my head!
It’s the
CAT
cuddling close!
Relieved…
I fall back
into a doze…
I dream of silhouettes and flying things
and before I know it
the alarm clock rings…

©AllysoAlly2017

A Soliloquy

“I celebrated your joy, I promise, I did.
While into darkness, my afflictions slid.
Through pain and tears I heard applause.
I gleaned the cheers, I read the scores.
I glimpsed delight with visceral sight.
In my mind’s eye it still alights.
I’m sorry, so sorry for my shame.
I really am, let me try again?
If only I’d supped that warm embrace,
just for a moment, a sublime place!
In misery I’ve been submerged.
Stolen joy where despair converged.
Shame is more deadly than death.
Its venom steals my very breath.
I’m going beyond the outer edges
to acquire my own forgiving lenses.
When I emerge I pray I’ll  be free.
Somewhere, somehow, it’s my decree!”

©2017

To my beloved

I waited for you.
I sang the hymn that said
“Good, good Father”,
it was excruciating!
Father’s are supposed to shelter
their children from harm.
But I was alone and broken.
He did not protect me
or you from harm!
I watched the joyful flower girls,
I saw the beautiful bride
come down the aisle.
I ran away before the wedding vows,
my silent tears fell
on the unforgiving earth.
I ran to look for you
but you never came.
Your bipolar mood swing had stolen
your joy again.
You couldn’t face this fearsome mob,
this crowd of so called lovers.
Those who keep their love in exclusive jars
only to be given to the upright,
not for the unlovely like us!
After all we don’t deserve happiness,
(perhaps I am wrong,
but that’s what I thought I heard them say).
It’s only for good church people.
It was then that I shut down.
Love was everywhere
but not in my presence,
it could not touch my broken heart.
It was like watching a movie
and seeing what life is supposed to be like,
but from a distance
from behind bullet proof glass!
A joy I can never be part of.
Then the loud music drowned out the voices,
drowned out all feeling.

I have been exiled
to a place where demons taunt me
day and night.
A place where happiness
does not exist.
I’ve lived like a beggar,
a vagabond,
a homeless wretch on streets of devastation.
Only the trees can quiet my aching heart now.
When I see God in the meridian splendour
I’m calmed.
When I know God’s glory in the least among us
I’m humbled.
When joy is present in the midst of great suffering
I’m astonished.
Those who have come to the end of themselves
and still have hope
are my mentors.
I need love to sustain me,
the kind that sees beyond this
outer crust of loathing.
A love that dresses me in the finest garments
holds me when I’m dirty
and is a balm to my wounds.
I need a love that doesn’t need
me to be anything
but a being of light.
I promise to dance again with the Angels
and slip into forgetfulness.
Please just tell me that everything is going
to be alright!

Gravity

“Falling didn’t bother me. I could fall forever and not be hurt. It’s stopping that’s the problem.”
― Ann Leckie, Ancillary Justice

Oh no, I did it!
I went spinning.
I tripped on an empty space!
Perhaps that void
I talk about too much!
I fell to the ground.
My life flashed before me!
I thought of all the things I had yet to do;
“Conquer poverty,
clean up pollution,
stand for world peace”
No really!!!
I’m not that noble!
It was more like;
“The shower still needs silicone
you fool
and you haven’t cleaned the
wardrobes out yet!”

Like a slow motion movie
my body was falling
but my thoughts were like lightening
flashing through my brain.
I wondered
as the nanoseconds ticked by
and the hard ground
was getting closer
how it could be
that I was letting gravity
take me down.
What had I tripped on?
I didn’t really care
about Sir Isaac Newton’s
law of gravity.
In that moment
I wished he had been wrong
or that I lived on the moon!

In the distance
while I was still falling
I saw
a kind face moving towards me
also in slow motion.
Not running to catch me
like I would have hoped he would.
I could read his thoughts
from a distance;
“Oh if I were Sir Galahad
I would run to save her
maybe even gallop on my trusty steed,
and catch her before
she hits the ground
with such terrible force.”
Kind words I hardly remember
comforted me
as I got up
and dusted myself off
and walked away.
I was confident
that I could withstand the pain.
I did wonder at the time
how many thoughts
are contained in just one second?

Now I sit here, typing with one finger.
Thankful, that it’s only my pride
that’s bruised
and maybe my shoulder and thigh.
Ok, my writing hand as well!
I’m alive,
a little out of balance,
a little shaken
somewhat stirred,
but I’m still whistling through the universe
gazing at stars
listening to the sweet sound of birds
smelling the fragrant air
and reading your lovely blog posts!

P.S. That was on Monday and I’m on the mend, typing with two fingers now! 🙂