I wonder if anyone heard the sadness that transcends words
the tears that continue to cry faith that has no disguise when answers can’t be found and life has run aground does anyone know if light will return to assuage the grief that quietly yearns
to become unstuck from dark thoughts and go home again to the source
and arrive where butterflies land in realms where hope and love expand
so that vision is clear once more and the fullness of joy is being restored…
Recently, the mouth of our river was manually breached. It was holding back flood-waters, the stench was growing, people on low-lying lands were afraid… it had to be released! Though some sea life was lost with the flow, the relief was palpable. It made me think of my own bottled-up pain.
I may seem happy but inside I’m broken. I search the skyways and highways for you I look at the stars and hope you’ll shine on me.
The world sometimes dims to an unbelievable low, I can hardly see through the mists of my mind.
your memories are etched into every particle of my being.
You belonged to me once before madness came into the world and turned it upside down. When love really was enough!!
I dance when I’m broken open I dance through this pain. When twilight descends and I’m completely soaked through with sadness. I reach into my brokenness and breathe in the sweet sounds of evening…
The night-birds usher me back to beauty, bullfrogs return me to praise!
Sometimes I cry at first light, letting the waters of heaven rush through me so I can flow again with the winds and ride again on tides of hope…
At dawn, I have thoughts that won’t let me be, they startle me their wounding is real! Like invaders waiting at the door I get ambushed by grief.
Words have legs they carry me back to moonrise, they fly with me to the sun… Sometimes they saturate me in favor, other-times they sting me to death…
I must give them credence for they have the power to hurt me beyond recognition. I must let them out or they will hold me hostage.
I will release them as tears, to spring forth from the deep and go back to where love overflows…
I can’t catch my tears or hold them, they must fuse with the ether and return to heaven, to be gathered and kept forever in jars, until I too shall return…
They are my memories, they come from my inner being and like floodgates opening they water arid lands of sorrow …
And for just a tiny moment I will wallow in pity, I will cry out at what has been lost, Yet I will still bathe in the beauty of what is…
I am forever hoping to be emptied of the sorrow that lives inside me… But I know my tears must return, for grief must speak volumes otherwise, love would not be visible…
“what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?” ― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
I’ll take a boat to anywhere just to sink this sorrow and drown despair.
The air has been heavy with what could have been, the nights are dark with desolate dreams!
And though my words still know their rhyme unforgiving memories screech out of time…
In quiet utterances of sun and moon, some have said you were gone too soon, but lifetimes were written into holy memoirs, and Time Lords inscribed your name in the stars.
In faraway galaxies on untethered shores, I still hear the echo of angelic applause, And the quiet lapping of eternity, reminds me that you are endlessly free..
“Your body is woven from the light of heaven.” ― Rumi
In the agony of what seems lost, there’s a light that is invitingly soft… If I move willingly into its core, will my mournful breath be restored? Will it hold me when I cannot stand, ever so tenderly take my hand, and walk with me into distractions, where fluency is carefully imagined, so that every fragment of my marrow, turns my grief into something hallowed.. that when my tears become lakes, I’ll dive into evolved states, and swim forever in cosmic seas, and be gently comforted by eternity..
I reworkedthis piece and it reminded me to keep moving into light…
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. [Matt 5:4]”
I feel as though I have landed in a terrible place of sorrow again, my body aches with it, but I’m letting it be….
Two friends of mine have passed away within a month, and not from covid… It’s a heavy toll. I wonder sometimes how much grief one can bear in this life, does it accumulate? Does the heaviness stay in our bones and bleed out when triggered? Circumstances surrounding the death can be a catalyst for the most terrible kind of sadness, like when someone decides that they can’t live on this earth plain anymore.
I have watched for three and a half years as people lose children in many different ways, be it by still-birth, suicide, cancer and a multitude of other reasons. It seems by far the worst kind of loss, and it can be made more complicated by so many factors.
With a beautiful support group, and being able to share my worst pain ever, I am able to see light and to even to touch it. I have been able to bring myself into a place of serenity and beauty, and to see those departed souls as perfectly exquisite beings of light.
It took time though and intention to find my way out of the most awful heaviness. Sometimes it takes bearing my soul, speaking out my regrets and even reaching down into the heart-break, At times it takes letting my heart be completely ripped to shreds. I cannot hold this kind of sorrow inside me, I would not be honoring those who are no longer here, if I did, nor would I be showing myself loving-kindness.
You don’t just get over it, so, right now, I’m holding a space for mourning, for sitting in the pain.
I realize how hard it is to be here on this earth right now, especially in these times, when so many lives have been impacted in different ways. It has separated many and being isolated brings an even greater intensity of sadness… a profound grief.
The trace of those who have touched our lives, the substance of them lingers forever locked away in our hearts, until one day we see them again, in their wholeness… In the last year there have been many losses and not just because of covid. It’s as though there is “a checking out” of many humans.
I vow to keep the faith, love as much as is humanly possible and always be ever so gentle with myself and others…
and keep watch for the beauty that surrounds me, even when it is hidden in dark places!
“It is better for the heart to break, than not to break.” ― Mary Oliver
I buried a scream once, behind my brave face, but there is always a reckoning, a sliding out of unbearable pain, like a dark thing that ambushes me when I least expect it.
It comes quickly with full force and drenches me to the bone in sadness, the ache is like a thunder-clap to my chest, my throat becomes clogged and choked in despair. This monster entangles me in self-pity, it is a living thing, it worms its way into my flesh, crawling over my skin, burning me alive, tormenting me. For a time I am lost to its will. I sink into the graphic rawness of grief, no longer able to float above the heartbreak. I’m weighed down, leaden and gloomy.
A force greater than me allows this hurt to burst its banks, enabling my broken-heart to be exsanguinated…
I’m learning that it’s best to let it run its course, until I am rescued again by butterflies…
Charting the aspects of what it means to be alive, I visit sites where I barely survived… praying my heart can translate the pain, I’m broken open and shattered once again.. my soul laid bare in disorderly praise, I’m always grateful for the love that stays…