Posted in A tribute, courage

Dear Reader…

“We are travelers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment. It is a little parenthesis in eternity.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

dragonfly fairy

Dear Reader,
(I apologize in advance if it’s too long) …….
This is a dedication to some of the bravest and most authentic Earthlings I have ever known…
On this day the 2nd of January 2020, I have an admission to make, it’s been hard! Some days I’ve had to scrape the very bottom of the barrel to find something to be happy about, especially over the so-called “Festive Season”.

It is the very simplest things that make me happy, like today I saw a *dragonfly for the first time in my garden.
If I was Kim Kardashian, I would get 6 million likes just for pouting my lips in the mirror, and it would only take a nanosecond (I’m way too old and not pouty enough for that, sorry)

In a world where being popular means owning something flashy, being wealthy or having a Degree, I have failed miserably but I’ve come to understand that it is okay to just be a storyteller or a wannabe poet.
I’ve totally worn my heart on my sleeve, and it has come at a very high cost, it has made me incredibly vulnerable. (not that that’s a bad thing)
Brene Brown said that “Daring greatly means the courage to be vulnerable, it means to show up and be seen, to ask for what you need, to talk about how you’re feeling, to have the HARD conversations.”

How many of us hide all the difficult stuff under the carpet and pretend to be someone we are not?
My life has pretty much been cracked wide open, what more do I have to lose?
So, does this mean you will like me more or less if I tell you that I have been crying and in a heap because life is so bloody hard at times?

I read a book years ago that impacted my life greatly, it’s called “Why I’m afraid to tell you who I am”….(because you might not like me and it’s all I have). It is written by a Jesuit Priest called John Powell. It is very short and an easy read and I recommend to anyone who feels that they do not belong.
Today when I went to look for it, it was on the top shelf of my bookcase.

So, belonging for me doesn’t actually mean being in a group per se. I think we should all have a sense of belonging to this race we call human, even the good the bad and the ugly.
I spent years in Church trying to fit in and guess what, I never did because I couldn’t speak the language and I questioned everything, and I still do?
I also tried to belong when I was a child in school but I was never the popular one, not even in my own family. I think the dog was the only one who thought I was freaking awesome!

We are all connected, like it or not, but we’ve just forgotten what it means. So, on coming to this Earth school we have to relearn connection and awaken into something so wonderous it is almost beyond our imagination. It takes work people and a whole lot of surrendering!
For we are spiritual beings having a human experience, we are sparks of the Divine, made with love, and we have every resource available to us in order to shine.
Ram Dass said, “we are all just walking each other home.”

I’ve been afraid for so long to speak out my beliefs, for fear of rejection.
Many may look at me funny, but hey, aren’t we on an exciting journey of discovery together, a quest to brave new worlds, seeking to set aside our judgments and prejudices, can we do that? Can we have those hard conversations?

I want to be brave enough to tell you who I am and if you don’t like me I should love myself enough to be able to handle it.
Please don’t pity me though, I have been given a gift more precious than can be bought or bargained for. It is a light that cannot go out, a love that never fails, an eternity I get to spend with every single beautiful Earthling.
Here’s the thing, we all come from the light, so we all get to return to the light, no exclusions, no holds barred!!

*The dragonfly symbolism carries with it the wisdom of change and learning through experience. It’s the symbol of joy and lightness, and having a deep connection with your thoughts and emotions…..

Thank you for reading this far and thank you for taking this journey with me, no matter how treacherous it may seem, it’s the authentic light-filled souls who keep me from falling…

Image courtesy of Pinterest…

Posted in A tribute

The symphonies of our delight…

To my friend Paddy and all those
we’ve loved who have crossed…

they touched
“they touched
our essence
with their songs,
in a twinkling
they belonged …
to the symphonies of
our delight,
sparks of radiance
made them divine…
with just a fraction
of their breath,
they knew
love does not alter
after death…”

Art by L Muri…
©AllysoAlly2019

Posted in A tribute, Love

Forty years ago…

revie 27

Forty years ago my waters broke at about 6am.
I was alone.
My then-husband had gone on an army camp.
I had no telephone and no car.
I was terrified and I didn’t know what to do.

I’d read that when the waters break it means there’s no going back.

I lived in Harare and we had a young man named Isaac who cleaned our apartment.
He was a kind, strong young man and I relied on him.

He usually arrived at about 7:30am
so I waited, still terrified.
I was just a naïve young girl.

When he got to our apartment, I asked him to call a taxi for me.
I think he ran faster than he had ever run in his life,
because in no time the Taxi was at my door.

The Taxi driver seemed really nervous
and drove up a one-way street to get me to the hospital entrance.
I think he was afraid I would have my baby in his Taxi.

When I got to the hospital, they said I must go home,
I looked too small to be having a baby that day.
I told them my waters had broken and they quickly ushered me
into the Labor ward.

They took me to a bed and left me there.
I was terrified and alone. No one had explained the stages of labor
or even how painful it might be.
I was still in the early stages, so the doctor didn’t come right away.
I needed reassurance that everything would be alright
but I can’t remember getting it from anyone.

They said that they had tried to call my husband,
but he didn’t come for a long time
I was terrified and alone.

When he eventually arrived, I was in heavy labor but it was too late to have an epidural.

I spent the whole day and night in labor.
I had never experienced such incredible pain, I thought I might die.

By this time, I’d gone into shock and I had no idea what to do next.
I didn’t know anything about pushing, but I did what the hospital staff asked.

At 2.30am the next morning my baby was removed by forceps delivery.
It was excruciating.
I was terrified.
I went to sleep after this long ordeal and they took my baby away.

The next morning, I awoke to find the most exquisite creature
I have ever seen lying beside me.
He was not very big and a little jaundiced.

Though he was born early, he was perfectly formed.

I was just a young girl trying to do the best I could in a difficult situation.
Although I had the permission of my parents to get married at six months pregnant
I was still an embarrassment to friends and family.
I remember those sideways glances and whispered expressions.
I felt dirty and disgusting, a pariah in my family.

On the other hand, in my arms was this beautiful angel,
who from the very beginning of his existence
has saved my life more times than I care to say.
Given to me by God as a friend, a protector
and a comforter.

He has been with me through the very worst times of my life.
I don’t think I would have made it this far without him.

He is my life, my soul, my joy, my raison dêtre.

A bright star in my Universe.
He is one of the most loving, caring, generous, humble
and kind humans I know on this earth.
We have faced terrible odds together and survived.
I want to honor him today and always…

I used to wish that all my dreams would come true,
and we would live happily ever after,
but I have come to understand
that the Universe sometimes has different plans.

I’ve learned that the most fearless humans
are those who have faced the outer darkness
and survived.
It doesn’t matter what wealth or possessions
you amass on this earth or how qualified you become,
it’s the size of your heart that counts.
In fact, temporal things may deviate us from the more important things in life,
like love, kindness, compassion, and true humanity.

He has the most beautiful heart I know.
Like his brother, he is human the way we are meant to be…
It won’t be easy for us to celebrate without his brother, but nevertheless, we will…

revie 12

Posted in A tribute

Every life matters…

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
― Brené Brown

standing up

A few have fallen
that many
may rise…
every life
matters,
each sacrifice…

The sound
of singing,
the breath of grief,
the brave
assemble
to inspire belief…

No death,
no struggle,
was ever in vain…
heroic rhetoric
brings
fearless gain…

On streets
of glory
the collective arose,
the slain
were honored,
silence was deposed…

Art by Olivier…
©AllysoAlly2019

Posted in A tribute, Throwback Thursday

My Gran…

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

granny charlotte

I only recently found out that my Gran had a daughter
who passed at 2 years old.
My Gran was one of the most beautiful souls I have ever known…

Her skin was translucent like diaphanous sunshine,
I could see her veins…
she was slowly fading
into transcendent thought
shedding her pain…

though her form was fragile
her heart grew brave,
and her silver locks flowed down in waves…

amplified by breath-taking wonder
beyond death…
time unraveled
into ascended breath,
transforming her into radiant particles
bit by bit,
her flesh evanesced,
effecting a shift…

becoming one with the source
her grief atoned,
imagining the completeness of being fully known…

a holder of sorrows and unbearable grief,
she was the mystical light-bearer
of my first beliefs…

©AllysoAlly2019

Posted in a remembrance, A tribute

Oh, how I miss you…

natalie scarsberry

**Photo taken in her yard by Natalie; text added by Natalie
https://sacredtouches.com/

Dear Natalie
Oh, how I miss you, my sweet friend,
please say it’s not the end…
of the glorious scent of your perfume,
in gardens
where we rendezvoused…
of listening tones
assuaging my groans,
with your soft voice,
you dulled the noise…

Across immense oceans,
I felt your warm devotion…
in sympathetic words
showing me concern…
I miss your loving presence,
you’ve always been a blessing…

though you’ve changed into light
your radiance is still so bright,
I feel you gently breathing, in gardens of Eden
until we meet again, on this journey that has no end…….

Posted in A tribute

A tribute to Mary Oliver…

“Instructions for living a life.
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.”
― Mary Oliver

wild geese mary oliver

Your poetry
touched me in my tender parts,
where broken fragments
lacerated my heart.

When I craved
awakening
you helped me
seize
my untamed spirit
and believe,
yes believe
in my
one wild
and precious life.

In your fearlessness
as Woman
as Poet
you spoke out in
a strong voice
and in so doing,
empowered me to find mine,
buried
deep
beneath the debris
of self-loathing.

At the time when,
remnants of shame
had whirled up
and struck me
nearly killing me.

I return to your words,
when my lifeless form
rebukes me.
Your poetry
can shatter
this self-made cage
and break open prison bars,
to unravel the mystery…..
of saving the one and only life that I can save!

And I run again through fields
of affectionate flowers
to love once more the mortal
and hold it.

Yes I received that box of darkness
the one you spoke of
and like a little child
I await its gift.

Oh and I really do try
to be whimsical
to be married to amazement
like you
to be blessed where I stand!

I’m here to tell you
I paid attention
and I have been astonished…

And I’ve learned not to walk on my knees for a hundred miles through the desert,
But rather to soar
heavenward
with the wild geese
over everything
floating above this difficult world.

And I can hear your words
“ death
isn’t darkness, after all,
but so much light
wrapping itself around us–”

Thank you for getting me through those times
when
death swallowed me whole,
and I had stopped believing in myself….

Image courtesy of PixaBay
Excerpts from Mary Olivers Poems included…

 

Posted in A tribute

Stumbled into love

Happy 75th Birthday, Richard Rohr…
“Like the wind, the Spirit blows where it will (John 3:8). There has been more than enough wind at my back—and more than enough seeing and encountering of Love—for all of these 75 years. All of it was given, never acquired, merited, or even fully understood. I just stumbled into Love again and again. And was held by it.”
― Richard Rohr

img_20160919_190448

I’m in a tempest,
the wind at my back,
stumbled into love,
seen light through the crack!

When I wasn’t looking,
grace found me,
I was held by devotion,
in an affectionate sea.

Broken and bruised,
ruined by life,
I’m being reconfigured,
by His glorious design.

©AllysoAlly2018

Posted in a remembrance, A tribute

So, the stars dance for you?

I memorialized my son’s Facebook page today. It was so hard looking at his photograph and reminding myself that he’s gone.
I want people to talk about him and I never want him to be forgotten.
For me it is a beautiful reminder to hold in my heart forever, thank you Facebook.

my stevie

so, the stars dance
for you
and the moon shows her favour,
the planets know your name,
with each nebula
you savour,
and when we meet again,
merged by His grace,
on cosmic winds,
far beyond this Earthly trace,
in my heart
I have perceived,
you’re more alive than you’ve ever been….

©AllysoAlly2018