Posted in a remembrance

Bereaved Mother’s day…

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”

Please don’t be sad for me,
today is bereaved Mother’s day,
and every single day I honor my son Stevie
with my life, for he is always with me….

If I were to tattoo myself
with each loss along the way,
I would be a magnificent
creation of art
and the beauty of souls
who have touched this skin
would be a remembrance
of the incredible depths of love
that penetrate deep into my heart
with gratitude
for lives once lived,
as each and every one
still enlivens my being
with the glory
of what is being revealed to us…

©AllysoAlly2022

Posted in a remembrance

Enchanted Forest…

This is a piece I wrote a year ago, it is a forward-moving re-worked enchantment…

I found you there in translucent light
when voices of sorrow overwhelmed us
silent tears fell like crystal showers,
and scattered beams gently kissed our bodies…

dark undergrowth sighed, our heart spoke out in true confession…
words diluted into liquid breath
and our suffering flew heavenward,
caught up by merciful winds …

Forgetfulness descended into the lightness of being
sapphire skies beamed down
light danced
the cathedral of trees stood over us
covering us
honoring our courage…

The earth’s foundation quivered as we stepped into the future
watching tentatively
imagining a different world, beyond all suffering…
We bathed in the fragrance of this holy foliage
baptized by its forgiving light,
butterflies swooped
and the forest floor tenderly absorbed all our pain…

And the Time Lords moved among us in silence,
while we chiseled our heartbreak into the dark bark of remembrance,
a chorus of tree frogs whispered into the stillness…
leaves rustled…

we let the magic of the forest soften us,
distill us with its cooling breath,
and its sweet-scented disposition
brought us back to life…

©AllysoAlly2022

Posted in a remembrance

Homecoming…

“YOU ARE A FLOWER, Every child is born in the garden of humanity as a flower. Each flower differs from every other flower.  As grown-ups, we can remind young people that they’re already beautiful as they are; they don’t have to be someone else.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh

Let’s revive those ghosts and watch the stars align
grill steaks on an open fire
until we smell of smoke.
keep dancing in the corridors of time.

We are the breath of the immortal
we exist in deep longing.
Let’s begin the journey
back to ourselves
and even if doubt lurks in the shadowy parts
in hidden corners
we cannot forget the divine moments
that changed us back into beings of light.

I want to run once more
barefoot
through steaming rain,
jump in puddles of my own reflection
watch vapor rise from the hot tarmac.
I want to daydream for hours
in the veld of my imagination
pick wildflowers until I sneeze.

I still visit that place where my dreams were just budding,
I sometimes go back there
to reclaim the wild things that I lost.

It was a place where beauty inhabited me
rearranged me
reconfigured me
until I was saturated
to the core
of belonging.

But I was innocent then
I had no knowledge of the world.

The joy that brought us here
will never be stolen,
though the winds delivered us to other places
to neighborhoods
that were foreign for a time
where we re-planted our hopes and dreams
and waited until the soil was fertile enough
to grow us back
into the magnificence of who we were born to be.

I’ll be with you at sunset I’ll watch the same skies
we’ll watch the same moon together
you through your lens
I through mine.
let’s remember our wildness
let’s reimagine our lives.
Let’s forget unspeakable things,
like the ocean between us
and plagues that have kept us apart.

I have not yet left my childish ways behind,
nor have I lived by instruction
but by instinct.
(some have called me a rebel)
I have stumbled many times
and fallen
sometimes into terrible despair
sometimes into grave doubt
sometimes I’ve been inconsolable.

And I’ve watched my dreams drift away in rivers of tears
that gush back into the cosmic seas
to be kept forever in jars.
my memories are treasured there…

At times I thought
I should never get up again
but I did
through some supernatural force.
It was love that kept me alive.

Now I try to tread more lightly with myself,
and when I forget
I return to stillness.

We have the capacity to hold great beauty within us
it’s just a matter of allowing…

©AllysoAlly2021

Posted in a remembrance

Your last day on earth…

“I thought:
maybe death
isn’t darkness, after all,
but so much light
wrapping itself around us—
as soft as feathers—
that we are instantly weary
of looking, and looking, and shut our eyes
not without amazement,
and let ourselves be carried,
as through the translucence of mica,
to the river
that is without the least dapple or shadow—
that is nothing but light—scalding, aortal light—
in which we are washed and washed
out of our bones.”
― Mary Oliver

Stevie went to many places in the world,
but he always said Jerusalem was one of his favorite cities…
He walked in the steps of Jesus there!

Four years ago, today was my last day on earth with you.
It seems like yesterday that we sat all day and talked about so much.
We even talked about how we would want to die, you said you would prefer to die in your sleep rather than suffer for a long time.
Your wish was granted and the next day you went to sleep and woke up in heaven.

Memories are sometimes like shards of pain splintering and falling in waves over me.
I am taken to those dark places just so as I can feel the hurt and know I’m still alive and breathing. Holding your memory in my flesh and blood.

I know you were never meant to stay; I know that now, but on that day, I thought it would never end and we would be together until I went into my dotage.

It was a day of remembrance, a sacred day, I even forgot to hang the washing on the line. Everything seemed urgent, things needed to be said. You told me so much, you forgave me and everyone who had ever wronged you.

On looking back, I am grateful you came on this journey with me, and even if it seemed like just a stopover for you, it was really a lifetime for me.

I knew all your sorrow, and you knew mine. We both understood how much we needed to be loved and accepted, just like everyone else on this planet.

Things happen, people stray, some didn’t understand the struggle you went through.
You came here as my teacher, to show me how to forgive, to show me the very depths of what it means to never hold a grudge, I’m still learning. I haven’t perfected it yet, I’m a work in progress.

I have learned so much since you left your earth suit, you continue to show me a way out of the darkness, to reconnect me with what is truly holy.

You used to say that it’s a beautiful thing when people are honest about their hurts, their failures, their “humanness”.
Some didn’t understand you, the depths of your soul seemed strange to them.
Many called you “sentimental Stevie” because you felt things so deeply. Sometimes you even took on the pain of the lost and broken.
Your Indian friends called you Satish, which means “truthful god”, you always felt honored by that name.

You still visit many places and many people that you love, and I know they still see you,
even if it is only in the shadows…

You wrote this poem in a place called “Heartland”. It was a place where you discovered other imperfect humans living off the land and they loved and treasured you just as you were.
it was and still is a place of holy ground!

A Thousand Moonlit Nights

The deepest part of my soul lies dormant,
hidden in the shadows of a myriad of masks,
no eye has seen it and no hand can reach it,
unknown, unseen, and untouched.

Light has now reached it and air has finally found it,
my fellows have unmasked the masked man.
I stand naked in the moonlit garden,
free yet secure under an array of stars.

Dawn is coming, followed by the heat of the sun,
Do I stay or go, fight or flight?
Or rather duck and cover?
I will cover.

Maybe tomorrow night will be a full moon,
maybe more will join me in the garden.
I am on a journey of a thousand moonlit nights,
walking with a few brave souls under the stars.

Posted in a remembrance

We are the rememberers…

“Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun!”
― Pink Floyd

This is my son when he was 8, he always loved animals!

we are the rememberers
recalling your walk on earth
honoring your journey
documenting your birth…

speaking to you in whispers
across the veil
quietly feeling
your presence
and remembering each detail..

we are the rememberers
we will never forget
making peace with all that is
surrendering regrets

knowing your soul is shining
shining like the sun
in translucent atmospheres
where you journey
has just begun..

I wrote this three years ago in honor of my son.
He is always on my mind, always with me,
I can never forget!

©AllysoAlly2021

Posted in a remembrance

A green and pleasant land…

On distant shores
where the turquoise sea
beats the land
into submission
and chalk cliffs crumble
unafraid…
I’m transported to the
remembrance of
a summer
in the heart of longing

as I go back in time
to vistas where my ancestors stood
and surveyed
a green and pleasant land.

these are promises of yesteryear
carved out by skeletal remains…
I yearn
to beat
a path back to them…

I’m not sure if I will ever be able to go back
but my heart is still full of longing!

©AllysoAlly2021

Posted in a remembrance

Feeling groovy

“feelin’ good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues
― Kris Kristofferson

Come for tea
and I’ll sing for you,
in whiter shades of pale.
I’ll dance like I’m seventeen
and treasure
each detail.

memories of our childhood
beats that bring us joy,
unforgettable melodies
tunes that fill the void.

let’s call on the remembrance
of those timeless beats,
where flower children
danced and sang
and took to the streets…

reminding us that we are lovers
not born for strife,
and together we can live in peace
and do the walk of life!

My tears flow in silence as I think back on those days,
when nothing really bothered us
and we sang to purple rain…

My brother has been on the radio on Sunday afternoons,
it’s always been a dream of his to be a DJ.
Yesterday I found myself taken back to my teenage years
and the feeling was kinda groovy!

©AllysoAlly2021

Posted in a remembrance

Happy Mother’s day…

“He makes me to lie down in green pastures: he leads me beside the still waters”
Psalm 23

They say only the good die young, but I don’t believe that, I have known some pretty awesome 89 year olds. I think it’s easier to die young because we don’t have to face the aches and pains of old age, and maybe even the loss of our facilities. My Dad used to say that three score years and 10 was good enough for him, he made it to 75.

I remember when the nurse called us to the hospital to say that my Mother was dying, she said my Mother had opened her eyes for a bit and she had the most beautiful eyes, the color of the sky on a cloudless day. I stood at her bedside and begged her to stay, I wanted her to see my babies grow up.

At first she seemed agitated as if she was trying to hold on for us. We asked a priest in the hospital to pray for her and I saw something change in her countenance. She became peaceful, as though there was an angelic presence in the room.
It seemed that something irresistibly beautiful was calling her back to the light. She was only 61.
My Mother had known mental anguish, she had understood abandonment, and I think in that moment she let go of all her suffering, and went home. I think a table had been prepared for her, and she was ready to sup with the Divine.
She was and still is one of the bright lights of my life, and whenever I look up at the pale blue skies I think of her…

©AllysoAlly2021

Posted in a remembrance

Watching the stars impress the night…

Mother’s day is hard for me and I kind of go into a bit of a decline just before the day.
My son’s friend invited us over to his house. It looks over Lake Pleasant
and we ate Bass and reminisced about my son.
These are the things that get me through the hard times!

In the stillness
at the end of day
I brightened with
each golden ray,
and basked in
the fading light,
and watched the stars
impress the night!

The dark stirred me
into feelings
of bliss,
bringing rhythm
to the tenderness
of being clothed
in forgiving breath,
from the deep wounds
of sudden death.
I revisited light
and thankfulness,
in hideaways
of thoughts
confessed…

©AllysoAlly2021