Epic Tininess

Day Nine……http://www.napowrimo.net/
Write a poem in which something big and something small come together.

“The universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you already are.”― Rumi

a universe

Once there was a little girl, living in a bijou world,
when all of a sudden
strange events occurred,
something weird in the household stirred.
Curious happenings,
she was not alone,
a rendezvous with
the unknown.
From the loneliness of her small place,
this doll’s house
that time erased.

A secret guide from celestial lights,
unveiled to her,
gargantuan heights.

In micro gardens of trivial dreams,
from miniature thoughts, where silence screams,
she looked up at the faraway stars,
and the vastness
dissolved her scars,
of being alone in a friendless world,
this teeny Earthling
saw the expanse unfurl!

Aware of the immensity of time,
the cosmos shifted
her paradigm,
light became bigger than forever,
atomic tunes hummed together.

The tiniest speck,
on the wide expanse,
an epic universe in her hands,
substantial realms opened her mind,
explaining mysteries of the great design.

The promise was
that if she believed,
realms would open where she received,
the joy of never being alone,
the whole universe was her home.

Fearlessly,
she realized,
a boundless universe was inside.

This miniature girl with flimsy dreams,
existing together with the great unseen….

©AllysoAlly2018
Image courtesy of PixaBay

poetry month

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Wordy Wednesday

The child is grown
The dream is gone
I have become comfortably numb
― Pink Floyd

dont call me bitch

when i was a child you said some words,
now i know,
it seems absurd,
but on that day,
i changed forever
perhaps i should’ve just said
“whatever”!
but i let it grow into my bones,
those words stung
when i was alone,
you never knew the harm you did,
i was just a defenceless kid!

but i grew to believe those words,
a thing you shouldn’t
say to girls,
and now i am grown,
what can i say,
in remembrance of that hurtful day.
I’ll shout it out….
“I’m not a bitch!”
even scream it
at fever pitch!

i remember the trees crumpled in shame,
when you called me,
disparaging names!
forgiveness has always been my quest,
but never say,
those words
in jest…..

 

Keep showing up….

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
― Brené Brown

aspect serene

From quagmires of pity, I will emerge,
silent revelations,
petitions are heard.

A wretched exile,
on uninhabitable shores,
forsaken locations,
may my soul be restored!

Can I brave the affliction
that has submerged my being,
and find other directions, with authentic meaning?

They say I have courage,
but I feel
somewhat weak,
on dark and dismal days,
I’m overwhelmed and bleak!

When I can’t see
the wood,
for the majestic trees,
I surrender my fears,
and fall to my knees

I will keep showing up and let myself be seen,
in transformed aspects
of endowments serene…

©AllysoAlly2018

I’m Human

“We are star stuff harvesting sunlight.”
Carl Sagan

I'm human
I’ve known a place where lies
were born and lived
in deep remembrance.
It was a place too fearful for expression.
It required perfection,
it demanded falsehood.
Looking good was more
important than being human.
It was a place of hypocrisy
and truth was buried in deceitful graves.

I ran from that place
and found my own vulnerability,
my own dark cave of humiliation.
Pretence had weighed too heavy
and had eaten me alive.
I grew to know my imperfection.
I was flawed beyond reason.
I lived like a death row inmate
waiting to end the misery
of my defective identity.
Perhaps I did die
to that false self
to those destructive beliefs
because
now
I’m in love with truth
I celebrate imperfection
I embrace vulnerability.
I think
I’m actually
human!

©2017

Infatuation

infatuation
Secretly, she knew
that he wasn’t good for her!
In a moment,
in the blink of an eye,
on the first encounter
she knew!
Deep in her psyche,
inside her substance
she felt apprehension.
But she ignored
the warnings,
she quieted the small voice,
the voice of reason.
She wanted him,
she ached for love.
She wanted to prove
somehow,
that she was lovable.
How foolish she was,
how idiotic
to believe at nineteen
that he was her last chance
for love!

They cautioned her about him,
her friends,
acquaintances.
She saw the look
in her family’s eyes,
she saw their concern,
their dismay.
Some said
he was a womanizer.
She didn’t want to believe them.
She imagined,
even fantasized
that her love could change him,
and make him a better person!

In the beginning
he pursued her
like a valuable treasure.
He was attentive
charming
and kind.
He showered her with adoration,
but his charm
deceived her.

She lived in a make-believe world,
ever hoping
that he could change.
Intoxicated by infatuation,
beguiled by his charm.
She was mesmerized,
as though he had done some incantation
to trap her!

His fondness for her
faded quickly,
after their wedding day.
He threw her aside
like an unwanted thing!
She was no longer
the object of his affection.
His aloofness
wounded her,
damaged her.
“How could life be so cruel?”
she thought.

Her dedication to him
was meaningless,
disposable!
He flaunted his women before her.
Her allegiance
slowly,
knowingly
started to fade,
and eventually
disintegrated.
The abandonment became too heavy.
She knew
she needed to escape
the torment.

“Could this really be love”
she wondered,
when they finally parted ways.
His vanity and philandering
had destroyed
what little trust she had.
The marriage she had hoped to save,
and fought so hard for,
crumbled,
and
died!

©2017

Carefree dancer

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”
George Bernard Shaw, Immaturity

no-wordsTake me back to a time and place
when I believed in magic
and heavenly dreams
covered my landscape.
When fairies lived at the bottom of my garden
and songbirds whispered sweet symphonies
in my ear.

Can I go back before harsh words
changed who I was.
I know there is a prayer in me
to forgive those who wronged me.
The sugar plum fairy
is dancing into the present day
entering my awareness.

I must not compare myself to you,
like once I did!
Comparison mocked my identity.
It’s pathology had evil intent!
Will you let me be me?
Whatever that is?
Strange and exquisite
Silent yet beckoning

I hear the birds calling me back to silence
they detect my racing heart.
The trees adorn me with their glory
and my breath again, is stilled.
The grass tickles my tenderness
and spiders jump about.

Will you be silent with me and say no words
just sit and watch the sun move across the sky.
Do you have time to gaze on carefree flowers?
I don’t need your words
or your intensity.
Can I decree right now that this
dance with silence will heal us?

I’ve been in a place where darkness saturated me.
Woeful inscriptions were written
on the walls of the hell I once lived in.
I prayed for death,
supplications sustained me.

You were not there in the midst of my suffering.
I found isolation more comforting.
Though you saw my devastation from a far way off,
I shut you out.
You see, I had so much shame contained in me
that it had overwhelmed me.
An ocean could not contain the shame I felt.

Should I clothe myself in contrition
when the tentacles of shame spread
their malignancy across my being
and infect my heart?
Bitterness has occupied the deeper parts of me
but I’m refusing it entry
refusing its dominion,
even though it has knowledge of a secret access!

Just walk with me a while
and say no words.
Breath in the silence.
Feel the warm drops of rain wash away the malice
and bathe us in enchantment.
Let the gentle breeze banish fear.

Come with me to a place
where the pain first began?
Are you brave enough to delve into the darkness with me
and go to the place where I first hated myself?
It was a time of innocence
when they said I should be more like you
and I couldn’t be,
even though I really, really tried!
Parental suffocation changed
the substance of who I was!

Will you hold that despair and longing for a moment
and let it occupy your understanding
then set it free!
Can we just go back in time and let
this little sugar plum fairy
dance once again
into mystical radiance.

So that when I wake up tomorrow
despair will be a distant memory
thrown out beyond the constellations!
Let me take occupation, away from harm
and begin to recognize the glistening
in fragments of light
and embrace the soft and pleasing parts of me.
My fragrance will multiply in the sunlight.

Murmuring will be no more
and the sobs that once racked my isolation
will be absorbed into the stratosphere.
Bitterness will turn into frolicking
I’ll pirouette into significance,
no more an invisible dreamer.
My torment will become sweet prayers
of thanksgiving.

Can we repose in the forest a while;
I won’t need your words.
Let the green covering of moss be our comforter
and the trees our canopy
as we listen to the tree frogs call
and watch the beams of sunlight
dance among the foliage.
Together we can consume the extravagance
of the Universe.

I desire to put away childish things.
I wish sorrow to be expunged from my presence.
I want laughter in my core
and joy in my sinews.
Will you celebrate my coming out of shame,
the shame that stole my existence?
I will frolic with you into the translucent light
of our understanding.
Words cannot
explain this movement……

©2017