Holding a space…

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
[Matt 5:4]”

I feel as though I have landed in a terrible place of sorrow again,
my body aches with it, but I’m letting it be….

Two friends of mine have passed away within a month,
and not from covid…
It’s a heavy toll.
I wonder sometimes how much grief one can bear in this life,
does it accumulate?
Does the heaviness stay in our bones and bleed out when triggered?
Circumstances surrounding the death can be a catalyst
for the most terrible kind of sadness,
like when someone decides that they can’t live
on this earth plain anymore.

I have watched for three and a half years as people
lose children in many different ways,
be it by still-birth, suicide, cancer
and a multitude of other reasons.
It seems by far the worst kind of loss,
and it can be made more complicated by so many factors.

With a beautiful support group, and being able to share my worst pain ever,
I am able to see light and to even to touch it.
I have been able to bring myself into a place of serenity and beauty,
and to see those departed souls as perfectly exquisite beings of light.

It took time though and intention to find my way out
of the most awful heaviness.
Sometimes it takes bearing my soul, speaking out my regrets
and even reaching down into the heart-break,
At times it takes letting my heart be completely ripped to shreds.
I cannot hold this kind of sorrow inside me,
I would not be honoring those
who are no longer here, if I did,
nor would I be showing myself loving-kindness.
 
You don’t just get over it,
so, right now, I’m holding a space for mourning, for sitting in the pain.

I realize how hard it is to be here on this earth right now,
especially in these times, when so many lives
have been impacted in different ways.
It has separated many and being isolated brings
an even greater intensity of sadness…
a profound grief.

The trace of those who have touched our lives,
the substance of them
lingers forever
locked away in our hearts,
until one day we see them again,
in their wholeness…
In the last year there have been many losses
and not just because of covid.
It’s as though there is “a checking out” of many humans.

I vow to keep the faith,
love as much as is humanly possible
and always be ever so gentle
with myself and others…

and keep watch for the beauty that surrounds me,
even when it is hidden in dark places!

Fly high…

“Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.”
― Mitch Alb

I’ve held grief in my body
inside my heavy heart
I know that I must grieve for you
though I feel blown apart

you never said goodbye to me
your wounds were never healed
you couldn’t see a future
you’d lost all of your dreams

I know the hurting is over
you’ve grown wings dear one
your flying with the angels
and your journey has just begun…

in this head-space of sorrow
my heaviness beats
you say to me don’t grieve
for you are in eternal peace…

I’ll keep watch for you
at sunset
I’ll feel you in pouring rain
I’ll hold you in my memory
and rejoice that you’re freed from pain..

a friend of mine passed yesterday
and it totally knocked the wind out of me…

The sky speaks..

“You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.”
― Pema Chödrön

The sky speaks to me
in shades of light
holding my attention
a wondrous sight.
It is the miracle
of all who breathe,
a light that dances
for those who believe.
Infused with a magic
that never ends
In vivid colors
that wildly blend.
a canopy
that cradles the universe
sacred chapters
of spoken verse…

Reflections…

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.”
― Albert Einstein

Like clouds
across clear skies
it comes in waves,
and darkness gathers me
at the end of day.

light diminishes
and vision blurs
I need the assistance
of inspired words…

the fog envelopes me in mindless-chatter
joy departs and faith scatters

the body is weak but the spirit is keen
to exhume dullness
and to intervene

I stare at reflections
and what do I see,
but the scared
expanse
of what is
yet to be…

and hope moves me
with the incoming tide,
gratitude spreads out
far and wide…
and I’m found in the embrace
of all that is,
where beauty
enfolds me
with tenderness..

And the story goes that she lacked the confidence
to believe she is worthy
and the old tape played in her head…”I’m a failure!”
She reached down into the thick mists
and once again believed in the magic of the moment!

Chrysalis…

“Live the Life of Your Dreams: Be brave enough to live the life of your dreams
according to your vision and purpose instead of
the expectations and opinions of others.”
-Roy T. Bennett

the Time lords
they spoke to me,
they spoke to me in reveries…
they echoed songs
of eternal praise
and I sank into
their healing rays…

a chrysalis
born to overcome
freed from darkness
by the light of the sun,
bringing to life unbounded things,
a changeling with luminescent skin…

Art by Dugald Stewart Walk

There are so many things that capture our minds without our consent,
perhaps even the powerful collective mind.
Sometimes we have to know the constraints of darkness
to fully embrace our vision of the light and become our true selves…

A butterfly child…

“Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”
― Danielle LaPorte

You made me feel like a girl again
a butterfly child
so free and so wild
wearing flowers in my hair
and love under my skin…

I was intoxicated by the music
and suddenly the sun broke through
in one of those moments
nothing really mattered…

I felt free once before the world changed me.
I had dreams that I’ve buried deep.
Sometimes a deep disillusionment hangs over me.
A sage once told me to allow the experience, to sit in it.

Then slowly I learn how to find that girl again, so free and so wild...

lightly child lightly…

“It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.”
― Aldous Huxley

Art by Ally

Every now and again I take things too seriously
and this quote comes up as a constant reminder!