Wordless Wednesday

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Ocean of tears

“Our death is our wedding with eternity.”
― Jalaluddin Mevlana Rumi

ocean of tears

i’ve swum in an ocean
of my tears,
i’ve faced the worst,
entombed by fear.

i’ve clung to love,
and held lost dreams,
i’ve searched the night
for transclucent beams.

i’ve known Your presence
in darkened void,
embraced by grace
though hope destroyed!

and as I slowly return to life,
I’m drenched in the fragrance of the Divine!

the earth stood still

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountaintop, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, hen shall you truly dance.”― Kahlil GibranThe Prophet

Image may contain: sky

the earth stood still
when they said
you were gone
i look through windows
to see the dawn
for his new mercies
to give
me breath
so i make sense
of
your death

To my beloved son

beloved son

Sometimes in the night
when I hear my phone,
I think it’s you,
that this is all just a dream,
and I’ll see your message
“I’m safe home, Mom”.
But reality blasts me back
from that hope of holding you again
to look into your blue eyes
and hear your laugh.

Then we can start again,
and talk about this journey of life together.

We’ll put up our sail
to live the breeze of awakening,
but I know now,
you’re not that far away,
just a breath
beneath my dreams!

I can see your face
shining like the noon day sun,
beyond this veil of pain
that inhabits my body.

And I can see the moon
spying through the curtain of my window
and your bright light glows within my heart,
this night,
when I ask for peaceful sleep,
but words keep me awake
and my eyes are dry!

I think of all the things they said
out loud,
in halls of admiration.
I hope that you can hear those words
and your wounds are healed!

I will cling so tight to those who know this pain
and let my pride be stripped away,
that those who can’t feel love
will know the power of the Divine

I’m going with this flow
and letting the heartache keep me alive,
even though I want to die,
and for you,
just for you,
I’ll be a better person.
I’ll share the tragedy of this loss,
I’ll wear it on my wounded flesh
and seek out Angels to consol me.

The night grows dark,
and I can’t see your face,
though the moon still peeps
at my sorry form,
and lights the night as best it can,
to let me know that
I am being watched over,
even in the small hours,
when no soul stirs!

Upon this bed I lie
with broken heart in hand,
ready now to give it back to You my Lord,
to keep for all my days,
that are numbered here!

I must love as fiercely as I can,
for you my son,
to hold your memory forever in my soul,
to honour you,
and all that you have been.
To release you to the Angels,
for safekeeping,
so I can rest on dreams of you.
Now you are gone from my sight,
but never forgotten,
tattooed for always on my broken heart!

When He came that night to take you,
He told you about paradise,
and green fields where lilies grow,
and waters so sweet,
and you flew to Him,
you did not hesitate,
because the love and light was so strong
so irresistible!

What could you say
how could you turn away from such belonging,
such magnificent grace,
and in one moment your soul was free!

I will wait for you to come and tell me in my dreams
about paradise.
I will be forever grateful that you were lent to me for this time,
to love,
and even though it was too short,
how could I not let you go,
to be with Him,
to run in fields chasing butterflies,
and to wear a chain of daisies in your hair
and sing the song from your soul
in sweet euphonies
to be heard by the Angels!

This banquet set before you,
to drink of love
and eat at the table of your dreams!

I will let you go
to soar above the azure sky,
and you will look down on me this night,
and watch me sleep,
a slumber of peacefulness,
with no fear or dread grasping my heart,
in dead of night!

And I will forgive those
who wish to harm this peace,
they flay about in unconsciousness!

For this flow has taken me on paths of surrender,
and even in this excruciating pain
I’m found!

I’m surrounded.
The army of Angels is at my door,
evaporating any evil force that wants to have its way.
Those who wish to harm this peace
will flee without a word from me,
because higher powers are at play this night.
Supernatural forces
that hold me in love’s embrace!

I wanted you to know this enlightenment,
upon this earth,
to taste the salty sea,
and hear the chorus of birds every morning,
and see the brilliance of the forest at twilight,
and grow to love the air you breathe!

This was not to be,
but how do I know?
Maybe you have seen more than I ever hoped you’d see,
and actually you have broken into the light
that fills the darkened void!
How do I know the places you have been to
in these few days,
since I said goodbye!

And as I watch the moon cross my window,
I ask for sleep,
in fact I beg,
so that the memories of you
can go to sleep
with me in peace!

How can it be that I know such peace
at this time of loss?
Words can’t explain this peace that passes understanding!

And I can hear your voice right now
as clear as day saying
“You don’t have to worry about me anymore, Mom
I’m safe home now!”

The Craving

“What we all want, really, is to be loved. That craving drives our worst behavior.”
― Jodi PicoultHandle with Care

the craving 2

he stood there
quaffing whisky,
and smoking cigarettes

the disease had taken both him
and those he loved,
right out of consciousness,
and made them relics
from another world,
unsightly abominations
disfigured by their wounds!

the fragments of his life,
once placid,
lay scattered all around
in hopeless shards
and pierced the very essence of those he loved!

feather beds where no more comfort
in the underbelly where
pain was forged,
like screaming steel!

life-long friends
became veiled
and sorrowful,
and out of reach,
in this disease that took his life.
infectious as it was
it drove an unhappy blade into the heart of love
and stripped away the love,
that was once
so nurturing!

morsels of hope
were spoken in garbled tones
of regret
and longing.
unanswered prayer
tormented his waking,
he screamed his supplications,
and begged  for redemption!

the prison of his mind
had long ago discarded the need for higher things;
the craving knew no bounds
and ate a large mass
of what his life should be!

on the streets
of his own loathing,
a no man’s land of broken souls,
a chasm grew between him
and those he loved.
he became of not a noble kind,
his life permeated with lies,
the kind he had never known,
or understood,
before
the craving had begun!

each member had become diseased
and had lost the art of truth,

in tightened sphincters
his contrition grew
to fever pitch.

if he could reach this love again,
he knew that hope would belong,
and the light of knowing
would illuminate his mind!

they had each painted glossy pictures
on walls built by suffering,
hiding their pain,
so no one would ever know
the bitter despair
that raged day and night,
and the toxic shame
chiselled into stone
of broken hearts,
that hurt penned in blood
of the many years
that had been swallowed by tears!

though an end should come,
they said,
but what end would it be?