Posted in Christmas

Smatterings of joy..

It was like holding my breath underwater, hoping the feeling would pass. Christmas cheer can’t be avoided though, it’s in the shops and on the cards I never wrote.
I binged watched Christmas Movies hoping to imbibe some of the Christmas spirit everyone talks about, but this year they seemed almost empty and contrived. I don’t think I’ve experienced that jolly feeling since my Mother died, and I’m still not really sure what it is?
I relinquished my right to be happy long ago when I saw shiny tinsel and colored lights lose their luster in the wake of grief. Don’t get me wrong, I still wear silly headgear and don my best smile, and for a time I do forget, but deep inside me somewhere the Grinch still exists, and he sometimes raises his ugly, green, jealous head. You know the “poor little me” and the “if onlys”.
At Christmas I seem to question so much and have to face the fact that nothing in my life is “normal”….but hey, that’s okay because I’m forging a new normal.
In this the year of a “covidian” Christmas, so many chose to go it alone and the neighborhood was very quiet. I didn’t hear the usual sounds of laughter in the distance or Santa’s sleigh bells as he speeds past shouting “ho ho ho”, throwing sweets for the children.
Perhaps this coming year the world will be a little kinder and softer around the edges, suffering can do that.
However, I did make it to the other side, unscathed, with just a little oven stroke from cooking in the midday heat. I felt smatterings of joy when I swallowed Christmas delicacies in the company of dear ones, and ate the surprise chocolates that someone brought as a gift.
Cooking really does take the edge off deep feelings, there’s no time for tears, only sweat, and it’s a good way to avoid difficult conversations. I’ve always been one to cry in the kitchen at parties, so it’s no reflection on the company.
Coming up for air, I feel the lights winking softly at me as I put the decorations away. I saw the sadness in my Mother’s eyes when the festivities ended and I have always vowed never to be so enamored by glittery baubles and tinsel.
I don’t know what I’ll be doing next year, it’s always a surprise, but I’ll enrobe myself in my best Christmas cheer and maybe let the spirits help me a little…


Posted in Christmas

The after-glow…

“The rule by fear will be ended. But it will not end until it is faced. And this must include your own self-deceptions at a level of individuality and agreement.”
~ The Guides through Paul Selig

At midnight hour
when breath is still,
and glittering baubles
loose their thrill,
there’s a moment
when sadness heaves,
and the world’s
sorrow is
to be believed…

When only love
can break your fall,
and long shadows
somberly call,
twinkling lights
will slowly fade,
as you put aside
your grand parade…

in the darkness
tears are like rain,
gushing from the source
of all pain…
as they flow like rivers
from the heart
into the silence
where joy departs…

But you know
that grief
must be heard,
it’s been pressing down
without words…

and when wild ruminations fly,
and you forget that you’re truly divine… 

you find your strength in the after-glow,
in quiet confession
as you let fear go…


Posted in celebratinglove, Christmas

Something real…

simple christmas

The tinsel decorations have been put aside,
tiny Santa’s,
and golden baubles

gather dust in forlorn boxes…

The meaning has been questioned,
over and over
played out
and misunderstood…

If it does not taste of Love it has no flavor…

all she wanted was simplicity,
just a few lights,

and the
soft glow
of something real…

Posted in Christmas

The rose of Sharon

“I will soothe you and heal you,
I will bring you roses.
I too have been covered with thorns.”

tenderness encloses me now,
in divine orbit,
of hushed vows.

with gossamer wings,
angels tread,
and faint complexions
of light spread.

even a rose’s beauty glows,
though thorns are not her final show.

Soft petals cascade to the ground,
and tender shoots
of joy be found.

the creator’s gift of sacrifice,
the hope within us,
comes alive!

seeds rise from ashen spheres,
sprinkled with,
heavenly tears!


Posted in Christmas

Christmas in Africa


I’ve only known Christmas in summer,
we go to the beach for a swim.
We tuck into turkey and gammon,
and of course there’s a seasonal hymn.

Twinkling lights in the darkness.
Santa with all his reindeer!
We’ve grown up filling our stockings,
traditions we still hold quite dear.

We watch soppy Holiday movies,
and marvel at all of the lights.
Houses lit on every corner,
as we imagine such wonderful sights!

We’ve heard of eggnog and hot cider
and it does sound kinda nice,
though a cold beer goes down much better,
or a cool drink with lots of ice.

I would love to have a white Christmas,
and indulge in festive fare.
Visit the late evening markets,
though it’s on a wing and a prayer!