A brand new song…

Sometimes in the night, I get drowned in my own thoughts. I realize they are not real, but they have the power to make me feel painful storylines.

I’m inspired by a poem by Carol Bialock called “A house by the sea”
https://rscj.org/house-sea-1
I was also inspired by the documentary on Netflix called “My Octopus teacher”. It was shot in South Africa and is definitely worth watching…

I hold memories in my body,
I feel a scream in my head,
in the small hours
of darkness,
tears drown me in my bed…

I can’t stop overthinking,
I’ve scribbled down the words,
waiting on pins and needles
for the call of the early bird…

Hot tea and sad scenarios lie somberly in wait,
a grief that lies heavily,
a woundedness that won’t translate…

Remembrance arrives
unexpectedly,
like it was yesterday,
I’m plunged into gloomy narrations
and the pain ricochets….

As grief washes over me, like an incoming tide,
it moves me into deeper waters
feelings that I cannot hide…

Beneath the ocean
serpents call me
promising a watery grave,
coral landings,
sweet oblivion,
I don’t want to be saved…

Images of castle dwellings,
teachers who have tagged along,
lessons learnt underwater,
as I brace for
a brand new song…

©AllysoAlly2020

Garden party…

shadow dancers
kept me company,
thoughts were flying high,
and the birds reminded me of a courageous sky…

tea with sympathy was served all day,
as color infused with sympathetic shade…

and while weary undertakers carried away my grief,
deaf ears appointed me
to redefine belief…
lost for words in a faithless world,
the sound of laughter could not be heard…

separation sought to find me, but I’m connected to all that is
in gardens of confession,
darkness can’t exist…

the stones were praising as I read the leaves,
though it’s always a short walk back to grief…

dreams must be spoken,
as they lie in beds of despair,
I tried to rescue them,
but they’ve become garbled prayers…

I stared into the numbness
of my wasted breath,
feeling worthless
I put shame to death…

The fabric of my life may look
tattered,
and ruined
but the weaver has embroidered it
with light-filled jewels…

And when the party was over
I planted the pain,
letting it be drenched in healing rain…

©AllysoAlly2020

Footbridge of faith

“Faith is a footbridge that you don’t know will hold you up over the chasm until you’re forced to walk out onto it.”
― Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son

When a dark swarm gathers,
debris is left in its wake,
lamentations of sorrow,
and soul shattering quakes!

A million shards
of substance,
are blasted into outer space.
I’m trying to reconfigure them,
and put them back in their place!

Brutal grief surges,
into the deepest parts,
I step into oblivion,
to reclaim my broken heart.
I’m ravaged
with weariness,
unbalanced and alone.
I’m persevering affliction,
as I make my journey home!

If I gaze into the sunlight,
will I find you there?
This ghastly separation
is more than I can bear!

A footbridge of faith
conveys me,
unharmed
to the other side.
Though, I must brave this dissonance,
from suffering I cannot hide!

Don’t pity this Earthling;
this is the resonance of grief,
deluges of desolation,
aching for relief!

©AllysoAlly2018