Everlasting Jubilee

“Our death is our wedding with eternity.”
― Rumi

Today we set my son’s ashes free into the ocean. It was a spur of the moment thing.
The day was magical and the ocean was warm..

The ocean received your body,
waves absorbed my tears.
I heard your song of freedom
whispering in my ears.

As you dance in cosmic vistas,
far from Earthly pain
your spirit keeps on soaring;
remembrance forever remains.

There are no goodbyes in heaven,
just a lucent diaphanous veil.
I touch you with my spirit
as though I’m interpreting braille.

Your path is festooned with flowers,
as far as the eye can see,
in a star bedazzled universe,
everlasting jubilee!

and as we drove home, this magnificent creature honored us with his presence….

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Restoration

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
― Kahlil Gibran

It’s hard to contain happiness,
when my heart is still in pieces.
I’ve tried to embody it,
but joy is not cohesive.
In this moment,
there’s sorrow
living inside of me,
its toxic stain holds me
and will not let me be!

The tunnel of love, I journey through,
has light at its end.
I observe it,
and feel it,
I know I will transcend.

Darkness guides me,
to where
living waters flow.
My restoration,
the comforter
bestows.
And in the midst of affliction
a table is prepared
I sup with His kindness,
my faith is unimpaired……

Remembrance

“For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountaintop,then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs,then shall you truly dance.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

It’s six months ago today that you went
back to the light,
to your true home.
I’ve thought about you every day since then.
I’ve set an intention to heal,
and even though I will never be the same,
I choose to honour you
with my life.
I will hold the memory of you
in my heart,
until we meet again
in paradise.

I’ve read books about grief and near death experiences,
trying to find my way into the realm where only joy exists,
that place where you now live.
I’ve joined the army of parents
who know this indescribable pain of loss.
I’ve cried until every part of me hurts.
I’ve questioned every one of my beliefs.
I’ve even stormed the gates of heaven to find you.
I’ve been to hell
and now I know it’s not a real place,
because God is love and He would never
torture those whom He loves
for eternity.

I have seen you in my dreams,
I won’t let you go,
you know me like that!

I’ve been led to people of light who have suffered
and survived,
wounded healers,
whose one desire
is to make this world a better place!
I’ve lit candles every Friday for the last six months.
I’ve pasted your picture on walls.
I still have some treasures that belong to you as a reminder
of how precious you are to me.

And in the stillness of the night,
I hear your voice,
reassuring me that you are still here,
watching over me.
You’ve held my hand
when I was at my lowest ebb,
and it was real!

I’ve searched the sky, the grasslands,
the forests, the rivers, the lakes,
and the ocean shore for signs of you
and you’ve sent me many gifts of love,
signs that no one can take away from a grieving parent.
But I don’t expect those who don’t know this pain
to understand.

I’m living now in a realm between two worlds,
a place occupied by Angels,
where iridescent light shines eternally.
And when living on this planet gets too hard for me to bear
I close my eyes,
and I see the inner light of glory,
the Kingdom of heaven.

I promise you that I will keep watch while I’m asleep,
and dream while I’m awake.
I don’t want to miss a thing.
The goodness and comfort of God surrounds me,
with a love that cannot be measured.
In the meantime I’ll keep forgiving
as you would want me to.
I’ll allow myself to be vulnerable
because
hey, it’s a beautiful thing
to be human the way we are meant to be,
just like you were
while you were here on Earth.
Your legacy is one of generosity and light.

You’ll be glad to know that I’ve tuned out the naysayers,
they are background noise to me now,
and those who pass judgment have been brought to their knees
in the presence of such grace.
You have done your work here on Earth
and I can hear God say
“good and faithful servant
in spite of your pain
you loved
and you forgave!”

You didn’t pass by the homeless
or the broken,
you looked into their eyes,
the way the master did while he was here on Earth
and you had great compassion!

So, as long as I have breath in me,
I will keep on keeping on
and I will take just one day at a time!
I will forever honour your memory,
and be thankful for our time together.
You and your brother are the bravest humans I have ever known.

My beloved son,
I will always be proud to be your Mother!

Waves of grief

There are days when you wake up happy;
Again inside the fullness of life,
Until the moment breaks
And you are thrown back
onto the black tide of loss
― John O’Donohue

It’s no gentle wave
that sweeps me off my feet,
a crouching swell
unbalanced me,
and at the bottom of turbulent seas,
a deluge of tears
brings me
to
my
knees.

my brave face
gets drowned out.
paralyzed
and tossed about.

In squalls of sorrow
I gasp for breath,
grief’s extreme,
takes my strength.

Unreachable
there’s no way out,
disconsolate,
submerged
by doubt…

Tempests crash
and groan in despair,
swallowing each
and every prayer!

I ride the breakers
they reach the shores,
on common ground,
my soul
restores.

For beneath the billows,
there
is a light,
it takes
a village
to restore
my sight!

 

Waiting for the dawn

“It is said that the darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn.”
― Thomas Fuller

Pain creeps up,
an intense ball of grief,
taking hold,
tormenting my sleep.
Memories crash inward,
imploding my heart,
clamoring voices,
lucidity departs.
Unable to breathe
on this shadowy night,
tears overflow,
in unmentionable blight.
No thoughts can ease
this desolate feeling,
obsessing the moment,
loss keeps revealing.
Rasping sorrow
ridicules the dark,
swollen heartbreak
is watching the clock.
Waiting for first light,
new mercies unveil
when bleak compulsions
fully exhale…..

Get out of bed

Day Ten…..http://www.napowrimo.net/

Today, we’d like to challenge you to write a poem of simultaneity – in which multiple things are happening at once…….

She sobbed and sobbed, but no one heard,
choked up, and lost for words!
Her face pressed on the windowpane
her mind raced…would she be the same?
A bird sang in mellow tones,
the house creaked, and the trees groaned!
The postman made his daily rounds,
the cat purred in gentle sounds.
Wafts of lavender filled the breeze,
the wind mumbled, as it pleased.
Sun bounced from a mosaic jar,
messages of love flew from afar.
Particles danced, in iridescent light,
rumbling sounds roused her appetite!
The gardener cut the overgrown hedge.
On darkened sill, feelings edged.
From a distance, dogs were howling
and muffled sounds of children shouting.

Clouds hid the sun, and she exhaled,
a forlorn whimper still prevailed!
Remembrance was everywhere,
keepsakes of her despair.

Then she recalled what the “never minds” said
“life goes on….get out of bed!”

©AllysoAlly2018

Distortions

An original is worth more than a copy.”
― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

don’t compare your reflection
distortions abound
in mirrors of longing
no harmony is found

to be the flawless version
of your authentic self
delete the imitations
of illusory realms