When I was a child I was very curious, I would open draws search in cupboards. I knew where my mom kept her stash of Chocolates and sweets. It was not celebrated though, if something got lost they would say to ask Ally she’ll know where it is. My curiosity got me into trouble many times. I remember staying with a friend of my parents and I would look into everything. I broke something once because I was trying to see how it worked. To this day I have never told anyone. My mother used to say “curiosity kills the cat.” I wonder if she was trying to tell me something, but that never deterred me! I haven’t grown out of this curiosity, I still find myself digging into things, wanting to know why things happen and how things work. I recently read a study that curiosity is a great asset for a child to have. I wish my family had read that study back then…
I’m starting a series of recollections of when I was a child…
When I was a child we moved around a lot and every time we moved my father would say “don’t tell anyone”. This was a terrible dilemma for me because I had spent the best part of a year developing a friendship with just one friend. Now I had to vanish into thin air like I never existed. The trauma was unbearable because of what waited for me on the other side, a friendless future and being shy didn’t help.
To this day I only recall the names of 2 childhood friends from school. I also have an aversion to secrets!
“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” ― Max Ehrmann, Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life
I always wanted to fit-in instead, I stuck out like a sore thumb… they teased me relentlessly for having freckles and red hair and they never told me that I was pretty.
sometimes those feelings return as if I was a ten-year-old girl again… I welcome them in as visitors not strangers to my inner world. The pain reminds me that I am human after all… I still haven’t put away childish things!
and then I remind myself that I am a child of the Universe…
My Granny taught me this prayer when I was very small…
“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life”
“We’re forever teetering on the brink of the unknowable, and trying to understand what can’t be understood.” ― Isaac Asimov, The Caves of Steel
This is a photo of my father at 6 months old…
we weave together memories we blot out truth
seekers of other worlds inscriptions from our youth
brought together in kinship held together by faith
we dance to the tune of our ancestors yet our true-selves remain
made from the dust of a million stars, we come to this earth to learn teachers followers we are the brave returned
disciples, believers we carry heavy loads recalling our purpose as truly divine souls
and forgiveness really matters it’s the hope that we reclaim as we let love empower us for we are of feeble frame!
even in quagmires of suffering when we cannot see the light they watch over us daily and through the darkest nights
for the bones of our ancestors bear our genetic code reminding us of our heritage gratefully bestowed
they forged paths through the wilderness scorched by the heat at midday they wore the scars of a hundred plagues they foresaw earth’s decay
and they rise again in the new earth like beacons of light absolved by the Time-Lords for their stories they rewrite….
I’ve written quite a lot about my old man on this blog, so I have decided to commemorate his 100th year with a poem. It’s about letting go and forgiveness. I know for sure he came to this earth to teach me to be the person I am today, whether it be through acceptance or disapproval… He read books by Isaac Asimov. Perhaps he did see into the future and he wanted us to be able to withstand the tribulation of this present time...
He would be a right old grump if he had lived this long!