Sweet Surrender

My life didn’t turn out the way I planned,
whose does?

When I heard them preach
that God would give me the desires of my heart
I believed!
They said my Lord would not give me
more than I could bear.
I held those words
inside my heart.

I married young to the man
I thought my heart desired
with the hope that it would be forever.

Divorce is destruction, it’s heartache.
My life held no meaning without him.
I wanted that miracle they promised
to end the pain.
The pain that was beyond what I could bear.

The desires of my heart got swept away!

The back alleys took me,
bitterness stole me,
my path became dark.
I turned from God!
Then they said
my Maker may leave me forever,
but I didn’t believe!

I found God at the beginning of the sorrow
and in between the pain.
His tenderness invaded me.
He never let me go.
He poured His love and mercy onto my wounds
grace leaped inside me.

And through it all,
He held me close.
God expanded my capacity to love.
I became willing
to embrace the brokenhearted
and I understood rejection.

I’m dwelling now in the place
of sweet surrender
with no expectation!

I marvel at the works of His hands,
above all,
I’m made in His image!

In the light of His love
I’m enjoying His incredible creation
as He gazes on me
and I on Him!

I know the Earth is filled with pain
and a longing for something better
something beyond the misery
a place where Heaven is!

Has my heart desired
more than just knowing and loving Him
loving His creation?

Those things I once asked for,
those things
I never needed
they got stripped away!

Invisible Love

I hear God’s voice as the trees whisper.
I see His face in the ocean.
His great arms sweep across the sky at dawn
to wake me.
I close my eyes when darkness falls.
He inhabits my dreams
and keeps my breath from ceasing.

I cannot fathom the destruction of the earth.
I have little knowledge of its manifestation,
of its evil!
The words I have
cannot explain war and famine
or disaster.

My only true knowledge
is God’s incredible Love.
The kind that won’t let me go
and stays contained inside me.

The stars will never lose their mystery.
In season starfish wash up on shore.

In silence there is a kind of knowing
not an explainable one.

Just a certainty
that the Kingdom of Heaven is inside me!

Knowing

My therapy is the sun
the moon is my comfort.
I can see miracles in the stars.
Silence is my dwelling place

I have felt the shade
of my yesterdays
cover me,
blind me!
I’ve called the birds to subdue me.
The trees are my tranquility.

I need nothing
but the seasons to beckon me
and hold me
in their belonging.
As all nature sings.

The divine within me
never leaves me.
Strength rises daily
and its intensity surrounds me.

I’ve learnt love
from the unlovable
and surrender
from those in bondage.
My acceptance comes
from the brokenhearted.

The true prophet within me
never ceases to marvel
at what is to come,
as the Earth
becomes motionless
with longing.

The oceans remain
and rains come in season.
Birds don’t lose their eagerness
and my breath believes.

I’ve called upon the moments
to fulfill my longing.
My dreams
have acknowledged the silence
and I am one with what is!

Little sister

I grew up in an Autumn shade,
a kind of mesmerizing silence.
I never found the words to say
about my pain, my discontent

I needed your reflection
to see my inner worth.
I held you up as heroes then,
when I was just a child.
Like you
I wanted to grow up in accomplishment.

It took me years to distill my silence,
and decades to make friends with my pain.

Ambition never was my desire,
it isn’t now,
and I’m alright with that!

I love the being I have become,
and I’ve glimpsed my inner joy!

At times I’ve touched the outer rim of darkness,
and despair has held me close….
The mistakes I’ve made are plentiful.
but the inner light of my own existence
has penetrated that darkness.

I have looked deep inside,
into the indwelling of my spirit
and gone back to where my life began.

When I stumbled and fell
things got stripped away.
Things I never needed,
things that held my soul to ransom.

I’ve tried to find myself in the deep recesses of my memory,
and to know me and to love me!

I no longer need to see my own reflection in your eyes.
I don’t need your adoration.
(OK, a small part does, but it’s getting less)

The pit has been my dwelling place
for far too long,
my shame my tormentor!
The sewer of my struggles and open wound,
for all to see.

I will rise to greater heights,
higher than even I can imagine.
I will breath in this awakening.
and go beyond the walls of silence
and my voice will be heard!

I’m at a place of reconciliation,
where winds of change can speak.
I love this person awakened by sorrow.
I count it all joy.
My freedom sees the brightest star
and feels the sun’s intensity.

Just think of me in that forest,
where sorrow was forgotten
and even in the silence I could hear the words unsaid.
Think of me as joy and laughter,
an over-comer!
Let the therapy of our hearts be silence,
a knowing of something greater that is within us.

And as the days pass till I see you again
let family ties remain.
Let blood be always thicker that water!

I’ve learnt to accept my powerlessness in rooms where dreams die
and even though their memory has faded into obscurity now,
I’ve opened myself to stillness.

I’ve captured sacred moments,
they’ve changed my insignificance,
and helped me rise again.

Right now I can hear the ocean as it explodes into my senses
and longing is soothed.
The birds have come to join me!

Despair may darken my door again
and sorrow may take up residence,
but the beauty that surrounds me and within me,
will guide me back
and sustain each moment!

I will continue to imbibe the majesty of the moment
and live in the now.
The future won’t appear so dark,
except in my imagination.
My captive thoughts will hold the silence
and regret will not be calling.
The past will be a place of dreams
and shame will lose its authority!

I will learn to dance with surrender!