Posted in Uncategorized

Bright eyes…

I wrote this a few days after my son passed nearly 2 years ago, it still brings tears to my eyes…
It’s his birthday today, he would have been 35.

stevie my boy

Sometimes in the night
when I hear my phone,
I think it’s you,
that this is all just a dream,
and I’ll see your message
“I’m safe home, Mom”.
But reality blasts me back
from that hope of holding you again
to look into your blue eyes
and hear your laugh.

Then we can start again,
and talk about this journey of life together.

We’ll put up our sail
to live the breeze of awakening,
but I know now,
you’re not that far away,
just a breath
beneath my dreams!

I can see your face
shining like the noonday sun,
beyond this veil of pain
that inhabits my body.

And I can see the moon
spying through the curtain of my window
and your bright light glows within my heart,
this night,
when I ask for peaceful sleep,
but words keep me awake
and my eyes are dry!

I think of all the things they said
out loud,
in halls of admiration.
I hope that you can hear those words
and your wounds are healed!

I will cling so tight to those who know this pain
and let my pride be stripped away,
that those who can’t feel love
will know the power of the Divine

I’m going with this flow
and letting the heartache keep me alive,
even though I want to die,
and for you,
just for you,
I’ll be a better person.
I’ll share the tragedy of this loss,
I’ll wear it on my wounded flesh
and seek out Angels to consol me.

The night grows dark,
and I can’t see your face,
though the moon still peeps
at my sorry form,
and lights the night as best it can,
to let me know that
I am being watched over,
even in the small hours,
when no soul stirs!

Upon this bed, I lie
with broken heart in hand,
ready now to give it back to You my Lord,
to keep for all my days,
numbered here!

I must love as fiercely as I can,
for you my son,
to hold your memory forever in my soul,
to honor you,
and all that you have been.
To release you to the Angels,
for safekeeping,
so I can rest on dreams of you.
Now you are gone from my sight,
but never forgotten,
tattooed for always on my broken heart!

When He came that night to take you,
He told you about paradise,
and green fields where lilies grow,
and waters so sweet,
and you flew to Him,
you did not hesitate,
because the love and light was so strong
so irresistible!

What could you say
how could you turn away from such belonging,
such magnificent grace,
and in one moment your soul was free!

I will wait for you to come and tell me in my dreams
about paradise.
I will be forever grateful that you were lent to me for this time,
to love,
and even though it seemed too short,
how could I not let you go,
to be with Him,
to run in fields chasing butterflies,
and to wear a chain of daisies in your hair
and sing the song from your soul
in sweet euphonies
to be heard by the Angels!

This banquet set before you,
to drink of love
and eat at the table of your dreams!

I will let you go
to soar above the azure sky,
and you will look down on me this night,
and watch me sleep,
a slumber of peacefulness,
with no fear or dread grasping my heart,
in dead of night!

And I will forgive those
who wish to harm this peace,
that flay about in unconsciousness!

For this flow has taken me on paths of surrender,
and even in this excruciating pain
I’m found!

I’m surrounded.
The army of Angels is at my door,
evaporating any evil force that wants to have its way.
Those who wish to harm this peace
will flee without a word from me,
because higher powers are at play this night.
Supernatural forces
that hold me in love’s embrace!

I wanted you to know this enlightenment,
upon this earth,
to taste the salty sea,
and hear the chorus of birds every morning,
and see the brilliance of the forest at twilight,
and grow to love the air you breathe!

This was not to be,
but how do I know?
Maybe you have seen more than I ever hoped you’d see,
and actually, you have broken into the light
that fills the darkened void!
How do I know the places you have been
in these few days,
since I said goodbye!

And as I watch the moon cross my window,
I ask for sleep,
in fact, I beg,
so that the memories of you
can go to sleep
with me in peace!

How can it be that I know such peace
at this time of loss?
Words can’t explain this peace that passes understanding!

And I can hear your voice right now
as clear as day saying
“You don’t have to worry about me anymore, Mom
I’m safe home now!”

©AllysoAlly2017

Posted in celebratinglove, daydreaming, Love, Uncategorized

Imprinted…

“Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love.”― Rumi

love and wildflowers

i’m imprinted with a love
more precious
than this,
in fields of wildflowers
i was tenderly kissed…

and bedazzled
by the ambiance
of sweet morning dew,
finding my bearings
in a charming
rendevous…

letting love’s ambrosia wash over me,
with breath-taking consent
and inborn reveries…

©AllysoAlly2019

Posted in Thinking out loud, Uncategorized

The chasm…

“Let us not look for you only in memory,
Where we would grow lonely without you.
You would want us to find you in presence,
Beside us when beauty brightens,
When kindness glows
And music echoes eternal tones.”
― John O’Donohue, To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings

butterflies

For a moment I was afraid,
was all this just my imagination?
Those voices in my head,
did I make them up,
those times when I felt his presence?

“He’s not sending signs!”…she implied

“But I keep seeing butterflies
and I feel him all around” …I thought

“There’s a chasm between us,” she said
“meant to keep the dead apart,
it’s in the bible,” she coldly remarked…

“Well,” I whispered under my breath
so that she could not hear…

“I’ve crossed the greatest chasm of my life,
I’ve stumbled and fallen,
feeling my way across utter darkness
and despair.”

“In desperation
I drowned in grief
cutting myself to pieces
on shards of heartache,
I was split wide open
and I bled out.”

And when I got to the other side
he said…
“ I was always right here
beside you, Mom,
helping you bridge the veil
between my world and yours,
and I held your hand,
because I knew you had to take this journey
through the darkness of grief
and I didn’t want you to take it alone!”

“and I rejoiced when you saw my
color in the skies
and hundreds of butterflies”…

and then he declared…
“I’m more alive than I have ever been!”

Posted in grief, Uncategorized

Deliverance…

“Within tears, find hidden laughter
Seek treasures amid ruins, sincere one. ”
― Jalaludin Rumi

angel tears

Yesterday
was a bad day,
my faith
plummeted
like ash…
in an inferno of grief
I smoldered
and crashed… then pressing
my breath
in darkness,
the impenetrable kind,
I unleashed secrets
that had tormented
my mind…
I claimed
deliverance,
as sorrow
bled through
my being,
flooding me with holiness,
and life’s
deeper meaning… and tears doused
the agony
quenching its flames…
in liquid surrender
I carried the remains…

image courtesy of PixaBay
©AllysoAlly2019

Posted in dreaming our loud, Uncategorized

Before…

angel sightings

Before I could see
I perceived the sun
and dreamed the rain…
Before I could breathe
I experienced
the flow of cosmic realms…
Before I could hear
I felt deep vibrations
of love…
Before I could touch
I was wrapped in sacred arms…
Before I could feel
I was surrounded
by divine presence…
Before I could read
I understood the configuration of stars…
Before I could walk
I flew with the angels…
Before I could dance
I swam in vast oceans…
Before I could talk
your voice
was the harmony of my being…
Before I could taste
I was blessed
with the ambrosia
of awakening…
And when I came into being
I was gifted with
the unforced rhythms of grace…
Art by Antonia…

©Ally2019