Posted in a remembrance

The last photograph…

There’s a buzz in the house
and constant chatter,
it distracts me momentarily,
But sorrow lurks
like a raw ache inside me
wanting expression.
I push it down again
for the tenth time!

I don’t want anyone
to see my pain,
and I’m hoping that
the grief that has risen
to my eyes
will go unnoticed…

I need only a few short days
to feel the depth
of this pain
and wallow in it
just a little.

It’s as though my body wants
unbearable sorrow
to sear my flesh
and again
so that I can die to all these fears.

Memories bump together,
the “what ifs”
raise their ugly heads,
and I crash!

I’m biting my lip,
the lump in my throat rises
and I choke back the tears.

These are my sacred memories
they stay alive in me,
reminding me that he once lived
on this earth plain.
I cannot forget a single part of him,
I will not!
I want this to be known,
I want it to hurt me
to the point of ruin
so that I can melt into the ether
and burn with the sun.

It’s hard to share pain,
when the fear of being misunderstood is so real,
and after all who wants a death’s head
at a feast?

So I wait until I can settle into my sanctuary
of holy tears.
In the quietness
I am not ashamed,
there are no prying eyes
reading me
swallowing me in self-doubt!

I stop questioning my beliefs in this holy city
and I accept that I now live in two worlds…

I rejoice in the knowledge
that death cannot separate us,
and I am freed from the abstraction of doubt.

I will make it to the other side of sorrow, because his voice in my head tells me he is always with me…



I am an unknown introvert who desires to touch the world with a little bit of magic...

7 thoughts on “The last photograph…

  1. I honestly wish for you someone to hold you and comfort you as you cry.. Dont hold back the tears, they are a sign of your love. I have lost Dad Mum and my sister but to lose your child, that is so so much harder. Sending you love, I all to well know that fear of being misjudged for grief, had it happen so many times. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your kind words, Deb.. I do have someone to comfort me but there are times when I just want to be alone with the pain, it’s that wallowing that I need. I usually get over it quickly though. xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

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