Posted in a remembrance

Three years…

I’ve had a few hard days, and some have bumped into each other and I lost track of time. Today I commemorate three years since I saw my son in physical form…

CS Lewis said “her absence is like the sky spread over everything”
and yet
I still look for you
in a knowing way,
and you are still here!
What should I believe
in times like these,
when fear is rampant
on the earth?
Should I believe
that death is the end
and you are far from me
across a chasm
Or should that part
deep inside of me
that you still exist
in a higher vibration?

And yes they look at me funny
when I say such things,
but how do they suggest
I survive
without you?
Should I go into the void
and shut myself down
and be ground into the hard
unforgiving soil of life,
or should I embrace
the knowing?

I live here on the earth plain
with humans,
in my physical body
a lower vibration state,
it’s uncomfortable
it sometimes hurts like crazy!
They don’t want to talk
about death
and I’m trying to understand,
in times like these
when death is all around
why not?

I’ve tried to make them
that it’s only in the knowing
that I can breathe,
it’s in the acceptance
of death
that I have survived…
How else
would they suggest
I live?
Gone is not a word I use
to describe you,
absence would be devastation.
It really doesn’t
feel that way!

My mother feels so far from me right now
because I once believed
the lies.
I was never allowed to explore
those unseen, mystical realms
where dead people walk
and fly
and dance
and where they are more alive
than they’ve ever been…

And yet the one they follow came alive on the third day
He rose from the dead,
and he said
we will do so much more
than he did!

Nothing makes sense to me,
if we are just
human flesh
in dense form,
let’s transcend,
and see ourselves
as spiritual beings.
That way we will be able
to drink in this holy love soup
that is all around us,
we’ll swim in it
and float in its pleasure.
We’ll become
of love
when we begin to see
the bright light on the other side…

Why can’t I talk to the dead?
When the dead
are part of me,
my ancestors DNA
brought to life in me,
yet scattered
on the oceans for eternity….

I must survive,
I must let the wind
take me
to where you are,
the currents will shift me
and alchemize my form
into light.
I will see you and you will see me
through butterfly’s eyes
and I will recognize you
in the colors
that are spread across the skies,
as I pick up
heart shaped pebbles
sent by you.
Messengers from the other side
to reassure me
that I am never alone…

Oh to catch sunlight
that has no density,
yet to feel it,
to smell fragrances
but not to hold them
in my hand.
How can they believe
you’re not with me?
Do they not know
it would be the most
unbearable suffering,
if I did not believe
that you are still here with me
guiding me,
watching over me? 



I am an unknown introvert who desires to touch the world with a little bit of magic...

3 thoughts on “Three years…

  1. Honestly my ancestors and passed over loved ones are often closer to me than even living humans……. their souls are very close and I do believe that about your son.. Mystics like Lorna Byrne and others see the passed over souls very close to us and they never leave us, we just get taught to go blind in this world to far deeper realities.. to give voice that sense is so important even if others think its crazy.. I don’t think it is.. .


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s