Thinking out loud

If I didn’t love you, I could just walk away!

a family
Because loving can hurt
and it’s not easy,
I’m no extrovert!
I don’t say what I want,
though you won’t understand
that I’m broken inside,
and maybe
your love
just isn’t implied.
Though love can release
that cruel spell,
defiling my mind,
because somewhere in hell
a part of me lives
and I won’t survive,
if you don’t care.
I cannot revive
that magical feel
and I’m in despair,
because loving can hurt
and it’s not easy.
My heart is overt,
it’s attached to my sleeve
and I really care,
if you know what I mean?

Because it’s not easy
to be part of this tribe,
just a wretched
black sheep,
with deep scars inscribed
on my delicate skin.
Can you see past my tears,
where the heartache begins?
Because loving can hurt,
and it’s not easy
to say what I mean!

I keep the memories
locked away,
always afraid
of what I might say,
because you’re lives
are a success,
while I’m just a mess.
The shame of it,
wounds,
crawls under my flesh
when doubt intrudes,
I feel so alone
harboring regrets,
because loving can hurt
and it’s partly pretense,
because you won’t understand
how deep is the ache,
in my feeble frame.
Is this a mistake
or is it okay
to say what I want?
I won’t go away
till I’ve overcome,
this egoic state.
I’ll rise in mirth
and try to relate.
Because loving can hurt.
Our blood is so thick.
So, say what you want…
I’m so over
this shit….

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4 thoughts on “Thinking out loud

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