“To recognize one’s own insanity is, of course, the arising of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcendence.”
― Eckhart Tolle,
I stood on the river bank, in silence,
beside the cool waters.
Under the shade of parental suffocation.
The waters seemed timid,
almost a trickle,
an easy swim to the other side….
As I jumped into the water, a torrent came.
I was unprepared.
The mud on the bank was sliding
and the waters became quite cloudy.
I was consumed….
and then taken under,
into the depths.
The monsters below knew me,
they welcomed me in silence,
as if it were my home.
At first the asphyxiation was not apparent
and it eased me into submission…
On looking up, I could still see light..
the light of my understanding,
but I could not get to the light!
The waters surrounded me, they held me hostage,
it became my prison.
The monsters of the deep were serenading me, blinding my eyes..
slowly shutting me off from the light,
the light of my understanding..
I remember the shore from where I had come,
I remembered the choking,
I had learnt how to hold my breath on that shore,
but I hadn’t seen the sun in the deep shade of my parental home.
I had always longed for the son!
As the waters took me deeper
I was enveloped in darkness.
The light became a mere speck in the distance.
I let the creatures hold me,
I knew no other self, only the shadow self.
Then at the bottom where consciousness was almost lost,
I saw my own reflection
and at first I didn’t recognise it.
It had grown ashen and grotesque….
But even in the deep, You were always with me,
trying to pull me upward.
The coldness had numbed my senses and pain had made me succumb to darkness…
I was alone when You came, not creature stirred that evening.
Your light came to find me,
in the twilight,
to find my shadow self,
and I knew that You had been there, since the foundation of the earth.
You taught me to stand on the distant shore, in the bright sunshine.
You let me look at the cascading waters, from the other side,
You let me touch my sorrow!
I saw great beauty in the crystal waters, even through the insanity.
My senses came to life,
it was my transformation!
I began to gulp deep breaths of emancipation,
I began to soar a little
and to live in the light,
the light of my understanding.
My true home, my authentic self.
I can still see the home of my parental affliction,
in the distance,
But I’m learning to exhale in the light of my own transfiguration.
I’m learning to transcend my shadow self.
It’s been a long journey and I’m nearly home……
I’m trying to dream while I’m awake,
and keep watch while I’m asleep.