Carefree dancer

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”
George Bernard Shaw, Immaturity

no-wordsTake me back to a time and place
when I believed in magic
and heavenly dreams
covered my landscape.
When fairies lived at the bottom of my garden
and songbirds whispered sweet symphonies
in my ear.

Can I go back before harsh words
changed who I was.
I know there is a prayer in me
to forgive those who wronged me.
The sugar plum fairy
is dancing into the present day
entering my awareness.

I must not compare myself to you,
like once I did!
Comparison mocked my identity.
It’s pathology had evil intent!
Will you let me be me?
Whatever that is?
Strange and exquisite
Silent yet beckoning

I hear the birds calling me back to silence
they detect my racing heart.
The trees adorn me with their glory
and my breath again, is stilled.
The grass tickles my tenderness
and spiders jump about.

Will you be silent with me and say no words
just sit and watch the sun move across the sky.
Do you have time to gaze on carefree flowers?
I don’t need your words
or your intensity.
Can I decree right now that this
dance with silence will heal us?

I’ve been in a place where darkness saturated me.
Woeful inscriptions were written
on the walls of the hell I once lived in.
I prayed for death,
supplications sustained me.

You were not there in the midst of my suffering.
I found isolation more comforting.
Though you saw my devastation from a far way off,
I shut you out.
You see, I had so much shame contained in me
that it had overwhelmed me.
An ocean could not contain the shame I felt.

Should I clothe myself in contrition
when the tentacles of shame spread
their malignancy across my being
and infect my heart?
Bitterness has occupied the deeper parts of me
but I’m refusing it entry
refusing its dominion,
even though it has knowledge of a secret access!

Just walk with me a while
and say no words.
Breath in the silence.
Feel the warm drops of rain wash away the malice
and bathe us in enchantment.
Let the gentle breeze banish fear.

Come with me to a place
where the pain first began?
Are you brave enough to delve into the darkness with me
and go to the place where I first hated myself?
It was a time of innocence
when they said I should be more like you
and I couldn’t be,
even though I really, really tried!
Parental suffocation changed
the substance of who I was!

Will you hold that despair and longing for a moment
and let it occupy your understanding
then set it free!
Can we just go back in time and let
this little sugar plum fairy
dance once again
into mystical radiance.

So that when I wake up tomorrow
despair will be a distant memory
thrown out beyond the constellations!
Let me take occupation, away from harm
and begin to recognize the glistening
in fragments of light
and embrace the soft and pleasing parts of me.
My fragrance will multiply in the sunlight.

Murmuring will be no more
and the sobs that once racked my isolation
will be absorbed into the stratosphere.
Bitterness will turn into frolicking
I’ll pirouette into significance,
no more an invisible dreamer.
My torment will become sweet prayers
of thanksgiving.

Can we repose in the forest a while;
I won’t need your words.
Let the green covering of moss be our comforter
and the trees our canopy
as we listen to the tree frogs call
and watch the beams of sunlight
dance among the foliage.
Together we can consume the extravagance
of the Universe.

I desire to put away childish things.
I wish sorrow to be expunged from my presence.
I want laughter in my core
and joy in my sinews.
Will you celebrate my coming out of shame,
the shame that stole my existence?
I will frolic with you into the translucent light
of our understanding.
Words cannot
explain this movement……

©2017

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